As I read
this post @ Neophyte’s Blog,
I was dragged down into the dark dungeon, which had a brightly-illuminated, shiny something.
A MIRROR.
It was as if reading about myself, the way I have survived the 4 years of my Medical School till now. I would not reiterate the way I did have a zeal during my high school. To achieve something, to perform well. No, To Excel in what-so-ever task assigned.
With my entrance into medical school, came a sense of carelessness, or rather, I would out it as - - >
a sense of mediocrity.
Somehow, I didn’t feel like excelling, didn’t feel like being exceptional, but just being someone amongst the ordinary. Just another medical student.
I convinced (and consoled) myself by believing that I had actually been through this really-tormenting-stress-situation,(referring to the Pre-Medical Tests), which had taken a mammoth chunk of my energy and left me prostrated.
And like a women, who has gone through recent labour, I wanted to rest, and replenish, and regain my energy with time, so that I am prepared for another pregnancy ..errm…..Another such arduous task, some time later.
Even a female takes 2-3 years to be back in form,
But, I just couldn’t.
All these 4 years (the time I was supposed to be recharging myself with the ‘will to be extraordinary’) I has such fun, had such an easy life. A life, I have fallen completely in love with. The life where I talk, have fun, with friends,
all ‘sans’ the turn-off component – Studies. It lured me into a place where I started procrastinating.
I agree, I never had it by default.
But, now, it just seems to be an essential-added-feature of the new version
(Beta version of Tele! – Medica version of Tele !! )
Such is this long-acting drug, that it has reached rocket-high levels in my blood, and I have become psychologically dependent. (And,
to confess, actually-physiological dependence too has started culminating)
Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator !
I would not like to believe it, But, I have to accept, this
DOES happen.
I have deferred my studies, so many times, for such long times, that I have been stationed at a particular point. <<
Feels like being stagnant through ages. >>
And also, to note, I have required my friends, the current of water, which have pushed me some meters away from my previous points. And, now, I always need a constant optimum push from them.
I have become so much disabled, that I have forgotten my own-inherent-ability to drift.
Or, would say, have kept it dormant.
Consciously & willingly & deliberately.
I do get up from this sleep, occasionally, only to discover that a book in hand, thoughts in mind, and a somewhere-else wandering brain, does no good. And alas, end up hibernating again.
For the past few months, I have been awake.
( I would-like-to-believe-so)
Awake, as regards Studies. Have tried to do some tit-bits, at damn slow speed.
* I appreciate that, at-least, I have been in motion!
~ Although, the relative motion graph pictures me clearly losing the battle, but, I am MORE-THAN-HAPPY.
Witnessing the change in me over this period, I thought that, Hey, I really am outta the
‘Procrastinating Phase’.
But, No.
If it wasn’t acads, it had to be something else.
This something else – happens to be my
Research.
Over-zealously, I started this stuff,
maniacally, I fought for it (during my the thence going ‘University Pre-Final exams’)
and impractically scheduled it for Final Part-2.
The toughest year of any medic’s life. Not to forget,
the cruelest, the meanest, the the morale-shatterer & the psychiatric-disease inducer.
Research made me re-search for the procrastinating element of my soul.
And here I am, after having discovered it, am wearing this good-old-attire of mine & not been doing my self-chosen job since the past 3 weeks.
I have been left with very less time & lots of work.
And to add to it, the pressure of one more dream project of mine –
The College Magazine work is keeping me on my toe-nails.
All this is seriously gonna kill me, or at-least stupor me once. Very soon indeed.
I, praying-ly hope, that I successfully overcome the procrastinator in me & rise from the ashes !! (Ala
Phoenix !)
;-)
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