Jan 31, 2014

Pure satisfaction!

Taking this flight, to meet Him. ;-) The moment I have been waiting for since quite a few days...(this has been the longest span of separation between me and him post marriage.) Yeah, we are gonna be beating our own records with time. Haha! And tonight we complete a year of naughtiness laden lovely life. ;-))

This trip of mine has been one which is gonna be remembered forever. I, actually, got to live with Ankit's maternal as well as paternal grandmothers, the most important ones among the other relatives whom I met. They both are such cute ladies, full of love, care and compassion. Very few people get this opportunity to get blessings from their elderly, and I feel truly blessed.

Special to me will be Ankit's dadiji. She is such an individual who'll smile with her eyes. Her face itself exudes happiness, her nature makes you just love her unconditionally and miss her when she's not around. She loves to talk and laugh...about household things, about the eras she has witnessed. You just need to sit next to her and she will talk about how she changed the diet of dadaji post his heart attack, how she used to live with the kids and so many petty things with proper details. Blissful stories they are. Enchanting.

Ageing, some osteoporosis and three lower limb fractures have rendered her unable to stand. She maintains wee bit of her movement by shifting on her arms and forearms. She stays happy with what-so-ever she has, never says a damn thing that might hurt anyone. All these days I had never listened her say even a word that might even hint towards slightest of a complaint. Pure satisfaction.

What bothers me right now is her health. She has been in constant pain since the last 4 days. On the first day, she didn't even tell anyone about the pain. The second day, we could see it on her face. Dull. The eyes not quite shining. And the last two days she has been writhing in pain...despite medications and massages. It is a neuopathic plus bone pain because of the deformed vertebrae. So, while I am whiling my time here at the airport, she must be bearing the pain as tomorow she will be hospitalized for deciding the next line of management by undergoing the battery of investigations.

A strange feeling swept me when I was leaving the home... Maybe I might never get so much of love from her ...of ankit and aditi's share also....which I got this time.

May God grant her a longer and essentially a pain free life ....so that she blesses her grand-grandkids in future. See the mother in me already got selfish!!

Jan 18, 2014

...And tears have to lose!

While Sleepless in Seattle plays on Romedy Now (one channel that I am in love with these a days) on the 17’ screen of the 20 something years old television set of ours, tears know no boundaries. This drawing room of our home seems so huge, that it has started to make me feel emptier. I am on a trip back home. It is my 9th day at home, I haven’t stepped out for more than three occasions. Am just letting the home feeling sink in, but it all is ending faster than planned. By the 10th day, i.e. tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for my in-laws place, and technically, mine. 5 days earlier than planned. Sometimes, I feel my hubby has a black tongue (with his name as well). ;-) He had told me initially to leave by 21st, I had asked for a 27th and settled for 24th….but here I am… going on the 19th!!

All these 9 days have just gone by like a mere minute of my clock. We are so greedy. Always asking for more…time, love, care, expression, attention, money, appreciation, and what not. Selfish me. Wanting more of this home of mine, more of the feeling that this place gives me, more of the fun we guys have done here. I, am, genuinely feeling that leaving this home as the newly wed was far easier than leaving it today. 10 months earlier I was leaving it yearning for more time with him, my new family, and our new life; whereas today I am literally yearning for more time here. Ever since I decided to prepone my travel, I am letting go that which would have led to a jewel if fallen on an animal. And I would have then, aplenty of them by now.

The thing which you desire the most make you wait for longer than normal, sometimes forever. Though, in my case, it won’t be a forever, yet there is one thing which I am still crying for. For this very person for whom this trip was being planned. For this very person for whom I wrote this. My elder sister. We have our own responsibilities to cater to, and above all she has my niece/nephew to be taken care of, in herself. I would not be able to meet her. Maybe, for a few hours, if possible, on the last day of this month. MAYBE. But, after coming this close to her, not being able to meet each other is eating us up. She hasn’t stopped crying ever since I told her. Neither have I. We are unable to speak anything over the phone. Only tears and howls are coming. Seeing this, my Mom and Dad have already shed tears. She is adamant to come to meet me, wherein I clearly want her not to travel. It is a crazy feeling. Bad feeling. But, practicality has to supersede... And tears have to lose.

Jan 13, 2014

Bahut Naa-insaafi Hai Re !!

12 months of marriage bliss, a loving caring and funny boned life partner, a set of new parents who treat me as their own, an extremely caring and daughter like sister. My own family is content with their daughter's happiness but silently they cry...in bathrooms, over sleep, in thoughts, and since they hail from my kin, in tears ...overtly...to be near to me, to be able to spend sometime with me. But, I can't . Distances, situation, and above all, the responsibilities of three families: his, mine and ours; and the onus of handling all, invariably has to be borne by the girl...A young girl who grew up to a lady in the hour of pheras. Indian fathers should christen their daughter's marriage by saying to their wives, "Honey, I grew up your daughter!"

Life is unfair. One girl, three families, a dozen people's emotions, and one life.

...Time To do what she actually wants to do? ...None!