...And tears have to lose!

While Sleepless in Seattle plays on Romedy Now (one channel that I am in love with these a days) on the 17’ screen of the 20 something years old television set of ours, tears know no boundaries. This drawing room of our home seems so huge, that it has started to make me feel emptier. I am on a trip back home. It is my 9^th day at home, I haven’t stepped out for more than three occasions. Am just letting the home feeling sink in, but it all is ending faster than planned. By the 10^th day, i.e. tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for my in-laws place, and technically, mine. 5 days earlier than planned. Sometimes, I feel my hubby has a black tongue (with his name as well). ;-) He had told me initially to leave by 21^st, I had asked for a 27^th and settled for 24^th….but here I am… going on the 19^th!!

All these 9 days have just gone by like a mere minute of my clock. We are so greedy. Always asking for more…time, love, care, expression, attention, money, appreciation, and what not. Selfish me. Wanting more of this home of mine, more of the feeling that this place gives me, more of the fun we guys have done here. I, am, genuinely feeling that leaving this home as the newly wed was far easier than leaving it today. 10 months earlier I was leaving it yearning for more time with him, my new family, and our new life; whereas today I am literally yearning for more time here. Ever since I decided to prepone my travel, I am letting go that which would have led to a jewel if fallen on an animal. And I would have then, aplenty of them by now.

The thing which you desire the most make you wait for longer than normal, sometimes forever. Though, in my case, it won’t be a forever, yet there is one thing which I am still crying for. For this very person for whom this trip was being planned. For this very person for whom I wrote this. My elder sister. We have our own responsibilities to cater to, and above all she has my niece/nephew to be taken care of, in herself. I would not be able to meet her. Maybe, for a few hours, if possible, on the last day of this month. MAYBE. But, after coming this close to her, not being able to meet each other is eating us up. She hasn’t stopped crying ever since I told her. Neither have I. We are unable to speak anything over the phone. Only tears and howls are coming. Seeing this, my Mom and Dad have already shed tears. She is adamant to come to meet me, wherein I clearly want her not to travel. It is a crazy feeling. Bad feeling. But, practicality has to supersede... And tears have to lose.