Nov 23, 2018

Few minutes of vacation!!

Another major part of the road to the destination has been travelled, the results although will be known only in due course of time.

The burst-out at the hotel was unexpected. A heavy weight off my head, the strong exterior shed off, and my heart lay bare in front of her...the tears knew their caresser was present, and they flew down with howls and cries as I lay inside her wetting her dress while listening to her solacing heart beats.

My mother always exposes the kid in me...

Those few minutes in her arms was my revival and my vacation...all of the emotions felt and expressed at once... the exasperation, my happiness, my sorrow, my turmoil, and my relief!!

She charged me for another three years and I am ready for the coming challenges now!! 

Love her!

Oct 29, 2018

Tele-viewing !!

Excitement engulfs the soul for the not-so-distant reality...
The toughest hill, although, remains still unconquered...
Priorities people say, should be in proper place...
Chambers however fail to bow down to the gray matter...
Envisioning the times to come is so beautiful, maybe more beautiful than what will eventually happen...
And in that dream, My DREAM, lies my liberative happiness and content.

(Final Practical exam is 16 days away, and thousands of plans are popping and brimming out of my head)

Oct 9, 2018

Personal Rants

Can I ever become normal?

Can I stop committing mistakes?

Can I start being responsible for myself - in my personal and professional lives?

Can I not be complacent?

Can I actually work towards becoming something, someone & not just end up being a lucky idiot who is being looked after and saved by God?

Can i actually become good and caring and intelligent and hard working and dedicated and committed?

Why does it only come to me in flashes ? In periods of long gaps?
Why can't I ALWAYS be motivated to do things?

Why should I just let go off myself??
Why should I not be harsh on myself? The new age teaching and preaching will not take me anywhere...

Why should I misuse the life, love and trust that people have it on me?

Can I not be anymore selfish than this...this extreme that I have already reached?

Can I control all this shit that I have created for myself?

Why should I not be morally correct? Why should I not let go off my dark side??

For whose benefit should I not tame my dark, black, negative side?
It is not good & not right & I should tame it and rule it and curb it down--wrap it in a box of iron and throw it away.

I am meant to be a white, optimistic, positive, non-cribbing, happy person; I was bred that way & now, I shouldn't let this black overpower me...

High time I should stop giving lame excuses about wanting to live life my way... as my way is NOT the right way...It is a bloody wrong path...& I shall and will not let it govern me.

All the negatives - all the pride, the false pride, the procrastination, the hatred, the anger, the lust, the feeling of superiority in wisdom, the distrust, the paranoia, the complaining-cribbing-crying, the blame-game; all is gone...

GONE....
gone from my dictionary, from my life....

I am a changed woman....
...more receptive, more humble, more understanding, more trusting, more loving, more caring, more calmer and more proactive....



All the changes which i underwent in the last decade....all the hurt that flamed and fueled them is what I am letting go today...as that is burning me from inside...hollowing me from within....
I am the victim of my own thoughts and experiences....

As i held them for too long and reminded and replayed them at every possible chance to burn me even more....

And I decide to change it today....For...Ever....

I am the Telly that I was brought up as....by my parents, with my siblings, under extra care of my grandparents, and not altered by the world so mean....

If the world can change me as a person, then where is the strength in my upbringing...

I shall not let it down....Ever!!

Letting it go ...(c) Tele_Jane 2011 @Scheveningen Beach - DenHaag