Few minutes of vacation!!

Another major part of the road to the destination has been travelled, the results although will be known only in due course of time.

The burst-out at the hotel was unexpected. A heavy weight off my head, the strong exterior shed off, and my heart lay bare in front of her...the tears knew their caresser was present, and they flew down with howls and cries as I lay inside her wetting her dress while listening to her solacing heart beats.

My mother always exposes the kid in me...

Those few minutes in her arms was my revival and my vacation...all of the emotions felt and expressed at once... the exasperation, my happiness, my sorrow, my turmoil, and my relief!!

She charged me for another three years and I am ready for the coming challenges now!! 

Love her!

Personal Rants

Can I ever become normal?

Can I stop committing mistakes?

Can I start being responsible for myself - in my personal and professional lives?

Can I not be complacent?

Can I actually work towards becoming something, someone & not just end up being a lucky idiot who is being looked after and saved by God?

Can i actually become good and caring and intelligent and hard working and dedicated and committed?

Why does it only come to me in flashes ? In periods of long gaps?
Why can't I ALWAYS be motivated to do things?

Why should I just let go off myself??
Why should I not be harsh on myself? The new age teaching and preaching will not take me anywhere...

Why should I misuse the life, love and trust that people have it on me?

Can I not be anymore selfish than this...this extreme that I have already reached?

Can I control all this shit that I have created for myself?

Why should I not be morally correct? Why should I not let go off my dark side??

For whose benefit should I not tame my dark, black, negative side?
It is not good & not right & I should tame it and rule it and curb it down--wrap it in a box of iron and throw it away.

I am meant to be a white, optimistic, positive, non-cribbing, happy person; I was bred that way & now, I shouldn't let this black overpower me...

High time I should stop giving lame excuses about wanting to live life my way... as my way is NOT the right way...It is a bloody wrong path...& I shall and will not let it govern me.

All the negatives - all the pride, the false pride, the procrastination, the hatred, the anger, the lust, the feeling of superiority in wisdom, the distrust, the paranoia, the complaining-cribbing-crying, the blame-game; all is gone...

GONE....
gone from my dictionary, from my life....

I am a changed woman....
...more receptive, more humble, more understanding, more trusting, more loving, more caring, more calmer and more proactive....



All the changes which i underwent in the last decade....all the hurt that flamed and fueled them is what I am letting go today...as that is burning me from inside...hollowing me from within....
I am the victim of my own thoughts and experiences....

As i held them for too long and reminded and replayed them at every possible chance to burn me even more....

And I decide to change it today....For...Ever....

I am the Telly that I was brought up as....by my parents, with my siblings, under extra care of my grandparents, and not altered by the world so mean....

If the world can change me as a person, then where is the strength in my upbringing...

I shall not let it down....Ever!!

Letting it go ...(c) Tele_Jane 2011 @Scheveningen Beach - DenHaag

Onus

In a marriage, everyone has to adjust... The girl, the guy and the families.

But, the reason behind marriage changes the equations quite a bit....a marriage which was arranged leads to a couple in which the partners adjust for each other so as to make the other more comfortable in the new set of changes in living... The partner will make changes in his family situations so that the other one feels home...they will back them up and even encourage changes in the family by themselves. The onus is on the family.

In a love marriage, however, the onus is on you... You are supposed to change yourselves for whatever situation is different for you and not the family or the other partner ... and this fact leads to a lot of testing of the love for which you chose to marry in the first place.

Time and again your love will be tested and your patience examined. Times when you are taken for granted happens in every relationship... The onset, however, is earlier in a love versus an arranged marriage.

Psychiatry Induced Depression

Borderline. ADHD. Bipolar. Depressed. Schizophrenic.

I seem to have all the traits that diagnose me into these.

Read them last on a night just before final year exam,

ended up crying, depressed, and believed that I would fail.

That night, friends came to rescue and the exam was given.

Read them today, again in the night & started to hate myself.

When a psychologist came to re-assure, over Whats-app, though.

'Everyone has traits of every psychiatric illness possible.

Having some of all is normal, but all of some becomes an illness.

Psychiatry, this subject plays with the mind. Go, Play with it.'

Our behavior is diverse. Our reactions are circumstantial.

You-Me-All are hypocrites. Human Brain is one.

Our immediate environment formulates, ridicules opinions.

Today, tomorrow, day after, our thoughts and beliefs change.

We are under continuous training...learning a new thing every moment.

Judging is easy. Understanding isn't. Blaming/ bitching is all fun.

We all do these. At different levels, about different people.

This is human nature, brain circuitry is therefore so complex.

It can make you a devil, a saint and a normal mortal. 

We do not become what we choose to become,

But we do choose what not to become!! ~ There-in lies our 'Personality'.

PS: I AM NEVER EVER GONNA BECOME A PSYCHIATRIST!!