Few minutes of vacation!!

Another major part of the road to the destination has been travelled, the results although will be known only in due course of time.

The burst-out at the hotel was unexpected. A heavy weight off my head, the strong exterior shed off, and my heart lay bare in front of her...the tears knew their caresser was present, and they flew down with howls and cries as I lay inside her wetting her dress while listening to her solacing heart beats.

My mother always exposes the kid in me...

Those few minutes in her arms was my revival and my vacation...all of the emotions felt and expressed at once... the exasperation, my happiness, my sorrow, my turmoil, and my relief!!

She charged me for another three years and I am ready for the coming challenges now!! 

Love her!

Tele-viewing !!

Excitement engulfs the soul for the not-so-distant reality...

The toughest hill, although, remains still unconquered...

Priorities people say, should be in proper place...

Chambers however fail to bow down to the gray matter...

Envisioning the times to come is so beautiful, maybe more beautiful than what will eventually happen...

And in that dream, My DREAM, lies my liberative happiness and content.

(Final Practical exam is 16 days away, and thousands of plans are popping and brimming out of my head)

Personal Rants

Can I ever become normal?

Can I stop committing mistakes?

Can I start being responsible for myself - in my personal and professional lives?

Can I not be complacent?

Can I actually work towards becoming something, someone & not just end up being a lucky idiot who is being looked after and saved by God?

Can i actually become good and caring and intelligent and hard working and dedicated and committed?

Why does it only come to me in flashes ? In periods of long gaps?
Why can't I ALWAYS be motivated to do things?

Why should I just let go off myself??
Why should I not be harsh on myself? The new age teaching and preaching will not take me anywhere...

Why should I misuse the life, love and trust that people have it on me?

Can I not be anymore selfish than this...this extreme that I have already reached?

Can I control all this shit that I have created for myself?

Why should I not be morally correct? Why should I not let go off my dark side??

For whose benefit should I not tame my dark, black, negative side?
It is not good & not right & I should tame it and rule it and curb it down--wrap it in a box of iron and throw it away.

I am meant to be a white, optimistic, positive, non-cribbing, happy person; I was bred that way & now, I shouldn't let this black overpower me...

High time I should stop giving lame excuses about wanting to live life my way... as my way is NOT the right way...It is a bloody wrong path...& I shall and will not let it govern me.

All the negatives - all the pride, the false pride, the procrastination, the hatred, the anger, the lust, the feeling of superiority in wisdom, the distrust, the paranoia, the complaining-cribbing-crying, the blame-game; all is gone...

GONE....
gone from my dictionary, from my life....

I am a changed woman....
...more receptive, more humble, more understanding, more trusting, more loving, more caring, more calmer and more proactive....



All the changes which i underwent in the last decade....all the hurt that flamed and fueled them is what I am letting go today...as that is burning me from inside...hollowing me from within....
I am the victim of my own thoughts and experiences....

As i held them for too long and reminded and replayed them at every possible chance to burn me even more....

And I decide to change it today....For...Ever....

I am the Telly that I was brought up as....by my parents, with my siblings, under extra care of my grandparents, and not altered by the world so mean....

If the world can change me as a person, then where is the strength in my upbringing...

I shall not let it down....Ever!!

Letting it go ...(c) Tele_Jane 2011 @Scheveningen Beach - DenHaag

Grey Wala shade

Manmarziyaan, the last movie we saw in the theatre and the songs of which are just on the loop since the last 2 months, maybe. A long time any album became such a favourite.

The new age love story around marriage was a fresh take with some commendable performances. 

We all have a grey in us, and I am trying to, currently,  lighten mine.

Suddenly my brain feels like a bag full of negative emotions, feelings and perspectives. Pride has taken over me and my basic courtesies and my usual self is lost in the other umpteen negative emotions of mine.

Trying to actively work on them and rediscover myself, once again. 

Onus

In a marriage, everyone has to adjust... The girl, the guy and the families.

But, the reason behind marriage changes the equations quite a bit....a marriage which was arranged leads to a couple in which the partners adjust for each other so as to make the other more comfortable in the new set of changes in living... The partner will make changes in his family situations so that the other one feels home...they will back them up and even encourage changes in the family by themselves. The onus is on the family.

In a love marriage, however, the onus is on you... You are supposed to change yourselves for whatever situation is different for you and not the family or the other partner ... and this fact leads to a lot of testing of the love for which you chose to marry in the first place.

Time and again your love will be tested and your patience examined. Times when you are taken for granted happens in every relationship... The onset, however, is earlier in a love versus an arranged marriage.

Turn of generations

The calendars have changed many a pages and the clock has done it's million-eth round....the generations have turned.

Writing was a passion, spending time with friends was fun, and socializing was just normal. Now, this is all in the virtual space and it has become totally impersonal.

People write all the time, every single second...they practically think on the internet and not in the mind, and express even before running it by themselves again.

They post pictures, of all the things they see and of all the moments they spend...they store the memories in the camera and not in their subconscious self. This compartment was always there in us whenever we wanted to go back...but now we have hard drives and cloud storage for that.

Spending time with friends was about talking on random things, day to day life, our feelings, our emotions and our family, but now it is about updating it on the social media, saying a lot of good words about them and silently being either jealous or happy by comparing our lives, posing pictures and just chatting over WhatsApp as per our convenience.

Socializing was fun, we would just meet people, be nice, get some inspirations to add something to our personalities but now it is a waste of time...you can learn that by the videos that run accross and the long stories that keep on circulating infinite number of times. We start finding faults in people rather than searching for qualities. 

The good old times have gone and the new generation is really new... And I am becoming like that aunty we had who used to say, "Humare time mein to aise hota tha, vaise hota tha. Ye sab to achcha nahi hai, wo golden time tha....blah blah and blah blah".... :D

Yeah, to bring it and announce it out ...I touched 30. Yes, I did. And it made me realize how orthodoxly modern I am. Accepting and embracing the new fads and simultaneously bickering about them for being utterly useless.

I hope you all are doing fine....;)