The First Painting I did in ISB

Liberation

This was a photograph that I converted into a painting.
Liberation of thoughts, of sexuality, of breaking free from self-imposed limitations.
And the individual whom I gifted this is a 'young' lady who speaks her mind, has an opinion, lives on her own terms, and lives it really large.

Note to Self!

Sometimes, we are just on a mission to prove ourselves.

And, history has it, at precisely those very moments, we will fail.

Do it when YOU want to do it and not to SHOW others that you can!!

Days of Love

She waits at dinner for him, he apologizes.

He leaves for his office, they mentally share a kiss.

6:30 AM! Alarm goes off. He over-zealously puts this alarm despite sleeping at 2 in the night. She snuggles close to him, reaches out to the phone and disables the alarm. He asks her to get him up in 15 minutes. She wakes up to his aroma 2 minutes later. Mornings start with his peaceful face in the last lap of sleep.


She goes to the door, collects the newspaper and milk packets. He likes his milk hot when suffering from cough. She likes it cold, always. Milk boils over the stove and the newspapers reach his side of the bed along with a wake-up call. He wishes her a good morning, she prepares his breakfast. Twice or thrice in the midst, her name is called for something that he is searching for. In one of these times, they hug for a good one minute, and the world stops in its chaos.

His milk is ready on the table just as he likes it…with Chocolate syrup and flakes. She dices a couple of fruits. He has his breakfast; she packs a box with hot paranthas for him to eat in the cab on his way to office.  He brings the suit coat and hands over to her. She makes him wear the coat; he coughs. She inquires about the medicines and he says he has forgotten to take them, but he will take them today, surely. She gets angry, scolds and he barges out of the door. She shouts, 'Have a good day!'. He replies, You too. She stays there at the door, watching him walk the corridor. He is rushing with short but rapid footsteps. He turns his head, sees her standing at the door, looks into her eyes and transfers a smile. Her eyes sparkle. 

Our love....

His love was loud, his support outright,
His words solved my riddled mind
His care calmed the tides of the soul,
His acknowledgement infused new life,
His smile snatched those drops of worry
His eyes narrated the sonnet of our love.

Fluid thinking

She said, the class is way too boring. The mam is teaching very very slowly. Wasting precious time as well. 10 minutes into the lecture had put me into the dilemma whether to attend it or utilize my time by studying at home. 10 minutes more into the class, and I finally got up and left. Although, I did not study the complete day and would have definitely gained more on being there in the class.

Have a thinking process like a fluid; aligns itself to the company it stays in....takes the shape of the container it is put into. Analysis takes a backseat. When in company, my individual opinion and choices are overlooked my myself. Decisions are manipulated by the group's mentality. My priorities go into sudden Brownian motion....juggle itself and I take up poor decisions, not good for me. Sometimes, I should stay away from groups of people so as to preserve my individuality. To focus clearly on my target, to not be influenced by other's opinions. Actually, I just need to be out of touch with people, so that I can study.

Isolation!!!!

Marriage = Adjustments

Two of my friends are getting married and are having their share of worries about how will they live according to their in-laws. Their worries are based on the torturing experiences that other women have recited to them. What they are unaware about is the amount of adjustment one has to put in to adjust according to your life partner as well. 

There is a pattern that I have observed. They all seem so supportive till engagement, promising to go lengths to make you feel at ease. Post engagement, they want you to understand that you have to go according to your family's wishes and do certain things in certain ways. Post-marriage, you are left alone in the house of your new family trying to adjust. For him it is home, and he conveniently overlooks that it might be new for us and we might be actively remolding ourselves every minute that we spend there. A mention of even a small thing that hurt you is taken aggressively with anger and it becomes a lonely world from there on. You're left to not share the bad moments of the day with him so as to avoid the confrontation that will make you feel even more lonelier. Yeah, that's the kind of partner that every Indian Male becomes. Wait, continue to read...it isn't that way forever. Post the initial 1-2 years of the married life, the guy now starts to understand that his wife has given so much to the family and that she might also be needing some love, affection and someone to share her heart out. The time when he starts to adjust for you. This is the stage when the couple has really fallen in love, in its truest sense. When there is not merely reception of love, but also reciprocation.

It might seem tough and hard in the middle, but patience and tolerance and true love will cruise you through. Give, Give, Give. You'll surely reap sweet fruits sooner or later.

Scrutiny curbs expression

Having read the last few posts on this blog makes me feel sad for what I have done with my hobby of writing. There has been a clear downgrading in terms of content and frequency. The frequency doesn't really bother me as much as does the quality of content that I have been posting, which mainly involves putting into words what I have been doing in my life. Grammar has been at an all time low. There is a constant censoring of content that is going on internally. Feelings and emotions are being back spaced. I am scared of what write up of mine might be interpreted in what sense and how much will I have to explain myself for a point that I make here. This blog is being read and followed by our families and friends and every article of mine may lead to a variety of conclusions. It is like being watched day in and day out. Scrutiny is curbing my freedom of expression.

Every post that I write just means a part of my thought process/ feelings that I want to express. The state of mind is dynamic and life keeps on changing. So, a post of some negative observation should be equally welcome with the dozen positive happy posts that one writes. I am not one eternally happy soul, I do have my lows, I do feel hurt. And I would want to express my heartbreak equally as I shout out my joys. My perspective is mine and nobody has the power to impose theirs onto mine. I agree to disagree, and I want the freedom to not say a yes to a thought I don't believe in. I think I have been tired of living my life on someone else's terms. Being the bride and bahu was all fine, you have to appease the society and the people who are important to you. You've to take care of their sentiments and sensibilities. But, for those times when I want to be me, and independent of other influences, I will turn up to blogger. Blogger is a medium for me to know myself better. Let it be that way!!