J Spanking! ;-)

Jashn, my younger brother is fondly called 'J'...some fun at his expense that we guys did...texted him these one after another at the rate of 1 message/half hour ... fun it was.
Just thought would save it here so that we could laugh over it years later reading it here! :)

______________________________________

How would AR Rahman enquire for Jashn?
By singing: J Ho!! J Ho??

________________________________________

Whenever the world wants to appreciate a joke, they say: J Baat!! :P

________________________________________

Every Joke starts with 'J'!!
________________________________________

How does Jashn introduce himself?
Hi. 'M J.
________________________________________

What do you call Jashn when he wears a white t-shirt?
J K White!
________________________________________

Who will publish the biography of Jashn?
Jaypee Publishers!!

________________________________________

When asked about his Lords, Hanuman Ji says: J, Shree Ram!!
________________________________________

What will be Jashn's wife's name?
Jayshree!!
________________________________________

What will be Jashn called when he becomes a saint?
Swami Jay Dev!
________________________________________

Wild I go...

There's a good news I have to break here:
I'm getting married on the 1st of the Valentine Month next year, to my best guy friend. After an year of smooth, lovely and laughter-filled courtship, I know my life with him is not going to be any different.


Now that my marriage dates have been finalized, there's a whole lot of new things popping in my naughty mind (Naughty because I'm going to emotionally blackmail my family to fulfill these wishes in the name of me leaving them). Here's the list of the things I would want to do (atleast once) before I get 'taken'.


10 Things to do before I get married:


1. Get a pup for myself. (He hates them!!)


2. Get a bunch of tattoos made. (I'm sure he mustn't be very fond of them.)


3. Get myself a shape. (It's not exactly beautiful to be in a disproportionate body.)


4. Get a girly gang ready for a 2-3 day trip. (This is practically an impossibility with my current friends.)


5. Organize a Spinster's for myself, whose dress code would be 'minimalistic' and dance style 'dirty'. (Oh, I so miss my hostel parties.)


6. Paint 3 giant paintings in my current room and one more 'big' wall space in Dad-Mom's room. (This I will anyhows do!)


7. Take some vows in the name of God, so that I get a way to stop my parents from giving me expensive unnecessary stuff on marriage.
(They won't listen to my wishes otherwise.)


8. Go for a bike trip with my brother and explore the terrains of India. (Even a 2-3 day trip must be fulfilling.)


9. Go to a theatre and whistle loudly on dialogues and dance on fast numbers, like crazy. (I, sure, need my college friends for this.)


10. Smoke a cigarette, just one 'kash'. (Quite unlikely I'll do this.)




Wanna actually go wild, before I take the docile pet form. ;-)

Trains, Lathi & Movies

In a ladies coach of an intercity...over the uncomfortable 3 blue planked upper seat...lay me...tired, exhausted and deep into dreams. (After a 5 hr class, I was traveling in a general class for an urgent work at hometown.) Dreaming of a wonderful, smashing, late night discotheque party...with 'Char Baj Gayi Hai' being DJed with 'DK Bose'. In the zipping zapping zooming lights, feet moved like they were on Everready 9 batteries. Red cat jumping across the buildings and trees. (No, Jitendra, if was a Jumping Star, he happened to be the 'White Cat'.)

Amidst the Jazz moves and Bollywood jhatkas, suddenly, it seemed there were Duracell rabbits out-casting me, and my feet started to hurt. Like the moment when Geet misses her train, it was being played in slow motion in my visual cortex, and with each step that Duracell took, pain in my sole rose.

And then, in a flash of a second, I emerged from my dreams to the real world, a la Harry Potter coming out of the pensieve basin, to realize that a police lathi had just hit my soles. It couldn't have been the Wanted scene, and I could no ways be treated with the 3rd degree torture. I knew I was innocent. And when I was about to shout, 'Mein nirdosh hu!', a lady's voice said, 'Get this man down.' As I sat down reflexively, the male handkerchief over my face vieled down, and my untidy hair spread hitherto over my face let go my gender-identity. The policeman's lathi was inches away from my feet for the second hit, when the women in my compartment gave loud laughs, 'Arre aa to chori hai' ( Oh! She's a girl.)

My feet, my easy jeans, the brother's t-shirt (which I always wear for train journeys), and Dad's handkerchief (which are the only kinds existing in my closet) : All were being cursed. By me, for the pain was being felt by me, not those ladies, who had complained, and later enjoyed and laughed like one does on a 'Jaspal Bhatti's Ulta Pulta' comedy jig.

In that very moment, the 'Karz' Rishi Kapoor in me woke, to remember of a similar train journey, where clothed in a similar sense was a girl traversing some coaches. Quite a few passenger's faces felt familiar. One of those known guys, told her...W.A.I.T...he was talking to me...So, I was the girl and he was telling me. Ohkay. Feeling like being in a 'Source Code', I still gave an ear to him when he said, 'Boy, I've seen a girl with a similar face.'

Before I could figure out, I was removing the CK woolen cap. I, then, had retorted back flat-on-the-face, 'I love cross-dressing in Indian railways. It might be funny to you. But, it is safer for me.'

Subtle shaking followed, and my elder sister asked, 'Does it hurt much?'

'No, I'm fine.'

Getting the thoughts back in sequence, the 'Alice' in me realized it All Was Real. It had happened to me few years back, on my college trip.

Phew! Wonderland Instances I've had. Seriously.

'More such later. Night.', I wished my mind, and slept during the remaining journey.

Tele Says, 'Don't watch too many movies. They might just start living into you.'

Added word of Warning: If you're like me, Don't you Dare watch '404: Error Not Found' It is an insane psycho-thriller.

Inky Pinky Ponky!! :P :P

Inky Pinky Ponky
We saw a baby monkey

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Specy monkey, now, we keep

Ooo-Maa-Yu-Shii, Yay Yay Yay!
Hairy he is, named J-J-J !

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Now, my baby is so far

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Wishes were sent, yesterday, through a call

Janu, Janu...Yes, Papa
Happy Birthday...Thanku, Mumma!

I'm a little tea pot, short & stout
Tiny said a 'Cue-du' & I started a bout.

One, Two, Three, Four, Five
This time, he knocked me down, alive

Little Miss Muffet...
Win the next bout I will, I bet B-)

So,
Jack & Jill went up the hill,
Bro Li'l, am waiting to see you & just Shrilllll.....

Inky Pinky Ponky!!
Janu is a monkey! :P :P :P

Janu is a monkey!! :P :P :P

Hap E Burr Dey J Bro!!

The dude, the drunkard and the asshole!

Half-past ten, Casualty Center, Hospital.

It was about time I creased the white apron, rested down the stethoscope, and bid a goodbye to the casualty duty for the day. 6 hours since the duty had commenced, some minor road accident casualties, a few heart patients, and two major emergency cases had been handled. It was my first day at Casualty, and it had been a satisfying day at work.

The Resident Doctor (Does it sound similar to The Resident Evil?? ) were about to change duties for the night. Yeah, the one who was to stay did ask me straight faced, 'So you're doing a night today?' 
Please say a yes. The excitement was barely conceadable.
'No Sir, I would retire for the day in few minutes from now.'
Bursted.
'By the way, you're an intern, right? What's your name?'
'Tele'
'What?'
'Tele as in Television'
'Ohk. Christian?'
'Tele, We have an influx. Come.', the R-2 called. 
R-2, the resident whom I had assisted the whole evening, was a pleasant doctor. Needless to say, the same sequence had taken place few hours before when I had joined duties, but seeing my no-nonsense-only-work attitude he had ceased hitting.

So, here we had: A head injury, A maniac, and A Road-Traffic Accident patient.
Triage.

The Dude!

Head Injury first. A 20 something old labourer, having a 10cm horizontal slit on his forehead, blood splattered over the face, conscious.
Examining him, we were sure he had a frontal fracture, and he would have had injured his brain too.
Suture him before the Referral.


'Stitch?? Doctor, Don't cut my hair.' the patient blurted.
'Dude!'
Well-being was rather secondary, for him, to his good-looks. *grins

The Drunkard !

The maniac was jumping and shouting in the trauma center, moving hitherto. The paramedic had been ready with the history. 
So, he was under acute intoxication with the so-asserted 'poisonous alcohol'. 
The newspapers had been full with reported sale of poisonous alcohol and deaths in the last 2 days. On suspicion of him having consumed it, he had been brought.

No symptoms detected, yet Gastric lavage had to be done.
He was comfortable now.
He-The Drunkard.

The RTA was a minor accident. Two men, one with a bruise, and one with a laceration on the right palm.
Standing in the MOT for stitching up the palm, I overheard a voice.
'Ya bastard, you left me there. Ya think ya saved your ass, do you? I'll open ya up once I get outta...'
'Excuse me, who's had the injury on palm?'
The one conversing stared at me, and entered.

The A**hole!

'Pllllleaaaase. Make it numb.'
He whimpered like a baby.

'What, One more stitch. Nooo.'

Bandaged, he left.
I overheard him, 'Am coming ya f**ker! Ya Asshole!'

Retired for the day!

Tele ;-)

Leaving you an interesting picture ;-) 

Cool Hair Cut! 

Now Running: Raaz Iss Janam ka

The secret list below reveals my lovers : (for this Janam only)

1. 

Scorpions 

-Kindly do not misinterpret this as a sun-sign. This is the reeal creature I'm talking about.

2. Snakes 

-The very day, the CWG officials charmed a snake outta the Games village, one of the snakey kiddos came to Kiss Hiss me too. 

And, I was awake this time. It played with tingling my sole, thinking it would charm me through. 

Unlucky, for the cute creature had been wrong in his interpretation that the sole was a ground for fore-play. :D

The sore-play furied me, and I threw it out. Rolling it on the wooden plank, I took it outta into the open.

And, Voila! I became the Aesclepius. The legend. With the Rod and the Snake.

Now, did the nature certify me with the degree of Medicine?

Or 

Did it bless me with the magical powers of healing? (Still gotta check out the powers, though!-Maybe I have, Maybe I don't.)

But, I have sure been accepted into the fraternity. That, I know!

Indeed a weird, scary, and adventurous themed 'Convocation ceremony' is what I had. :D

All of this forces me to think, 

that either I was a Reptile in the 'Pichla Janam' 

or 

I am one in this.

Hissss!

PS:Don't panic, I have just been incorporated into the PR section of Mallika Sherawat's next flick.

Tonguishly hisssing! ;)

Please, Dare Not Watch It!

Just, Damn it. :D

And Go away. There are things better than 'Hiss' to be read about !!

Metamorphosis!

'Cocoon breaks, and a beautiful butterfly is, thus born.'
It loves its new look, new beauty. Is excited about the changes.
And is enthralled of what is in-store for her.

Metamorphosis. Changes in appearance, along with some maturity in the inner spheres.


Have been through one.

Years of my kiddishness, innocence, and naturalness was waned off in a matter of an hour.
Robbed off, of the dead filaments that once quietly perched on the domains of the eyebrow, around the lips, and on the limbs.
A relief?? Is it?
Hmm...
Well, whilst I was going through it...It was tough. But, ain't it, that its the pressure and temperature that the coal has to endure so that it transforms into the glistening worthy diamond??
Am not trying to put it, that I have become one!! Clear ?? :-P    ;-)
Clear hai ??
Yeah, The facial hair have been discarded, and it's lot clearer than before.
Not that it was far too crowded before. But, it adds to the refreshing neat look, that women usually are expected and desired to have!! ;-)
Now, does that mean, I put forward my credentials for being a woman ?? ;-)
well, whateva you consider!!

The ice-packs required to settle down the oedema and the redness, was definitely a relief.

But, somehow, I feel guest to my own skin.
It instills in me the feeling of being given a 'Maturity Potion'.
Suddenly, the never touched face has been tampered with.
It probably adds woman-ness to me!!

And I, seriously, pretty much don't love it. (the adult-ness part!)

But, sooner than later, I'll fall for it.
I know!! ;-)

PS: Abt the inner soul and strength changes... still going through!!
Would word them later!! ;-)

Out-Patient Departments !! OPDs

Obstetrics and Gynaecology:

> Enter at 8:15 am, and get a scolding for being late. (even though, not a single patient is visible! ) :-D

> Sit down, and fill forms for investigations. (CBC, S.HBsAg, S.VDRL, U/C, X-Ray, HIV)
*--  wuhoo, my colleague send a pregnant female for a Chest X-Ray !! (Had to listen to lots of 'appreciation', from 'chuhiya' mam!! - Apparently it was his first day on duty, and he was so pissed off by the immense swarm of people hovering over him, that he handed someone else's X-ray form with her name!!)

> Fill in some BPL forms. (BPL=Below Poverty Line)
*-- It is tiring. Check the details on their card, crosscheck it with the form, confirm that the relative is genuinely entitled to receive the benefits, sign the form, and send them to another teacher for verification and signatures!! :-D

> Track down the patients who are being admitted, and take samples.

>. Fill in more investigations forms. And direct them to the Blood Bank for tests.
*-- Directions!! I'll die if I am made to do this, even for 2 consecutive days

> Do Beta-HCG Urine Pregnancy Tests.
* Tell each patient to go, 'FIND A TOILET', and collect some urine and bring it to us. 'ONLY A TOILET',.....Tell that 4 times!!

> Keep on scribbling, and fill in more forms for providing medicines to BPL people.

> Rush to the wards, and send the new admissions for investigations.

> Find out the HPE reports, enter them, re-enter them, and give it to the patients.
*My pen dies an untimely death. Grief !!

> If lucky, enter the P/V room, and write down what Ma'm or the R-2 or the R-3 'discovered in their examination.
*With their pen! ;-)

> Fill the Pap Smear forms.

> And, If damn lucky....Get to take a Pap Smear!! :-)

> If Born lucky, get to drink a sip of water!! Aaaahhh!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surgery:

>Enter at 9:30am. Sit in front of an air-cooler.
*Those who wish to go, can leave almost instantaneously!! :-D

> One has the liberty to sit calmly, and catch a nap also.
*Others can just spend some quality time observing the patients, their attitudes, grimaces, and gait, and direct the occasional one/two to the surgeons.

> Some overzealous people dare to enter the MOT. :-D
*98% faint. (2% =  Tele and Spongy)

> Dress some wounds.
*We hate nudity, and strongly condemn it. And, we are doing our bit against it, by mummifying the wounds, and waiting for a burial like Tuttun-khamen! :-D

> Help a patient pee. :-D
*Insert foley's catheter.

> Stitch the injuries-(cuts and lacerations).
* Tailoring Job.

> Clean the patient of all the dirt and splashed blood. -Be it anywhere, even if not at the site of injury.
* Some spa work.

> Horse-riding!! ;-)
hehe...tht's for the anal fissures, and fistulas to be dressed!! ;-)

> Do some repairs.
*ala the Mechanic!! :D

> Some biopsies.
*Drilling like the miners.

> If Born UN-lucky... Get samosas, mirchibadas, kachoris to eat, and lassi, chaach, cold drinks, slice to drink.

> If Lucky...Get to eat LUNCH!! -Hotel ka!!...with paneer and naans !! *yummy
* Actually, had a CME !! haha!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tele says: Take surgery, stay happy, Eat happy, Stay healthy, and above all--ENJOY BITS OF ALL OTHER PROFESSIONS!! ;-)

Living in TWO DATES !!

...

Lights...Forceps...Action !

That was how my First Night was ! (Its the duties I'm talking about !! LR duty) ;-)

A cinematic night.
Where only the lead role has to face it all, or be a part of all the happening stuff.

It was a night which could compensate for the sin of not reading obstetrics the year or life-long.
'It was the William's Night!!' 
All the different varieties of cases had conveniently squeezed into the night.
I think, I learned the three quarters of  obstetrics. (A 'Quarter' is in my lungs. Exhaled!) ;-)

Just to put it all, the cases that kept us wide-eyed the whole night:

- Seropositive Pregnancy (HIV positive) - The whole kit that had to be worn!! (gown, cap, 'goggles' (haha!!) shoe-covers,  the 4-5 gloves worn one-on-one. cute!) Forceps delivery. Nevirapine syrup.

- An HBsAg Positive Pregnancy (Hepatitis B)

- Pregnancy with Heart disease (RHD -Severe MS, mild PAH, mild TR, H/O CHF) -The murmurs- Opening Snap, Diastolic murmur, Sent for Caesaerian Section.

- Abruptio Placenta - The pieces that the placenta comes in. The haematoma lying behind the placenta.

- IUD baby - Delivered a small baby of the size of two palms, all enclosed in the membranes, the ones which were difficult to be torn. It felt like a jelly tablet. Translucent to visualize the fetal parts through it.

- PIH cases- Lots- (4-5!)

- 2 Cervical repairs - * The women these days. Huh ! Do not believe in bearing down. And the fundal application, required in almost every case, is depressing. Forget bearing down, they do not even cooperate in our assistance. :-X

- PPH with Pre-eclampsia.


- Polyhydramnios
- Breech delivery.




The SPECIAL INCIDENTS which will be etched forever in my memory will be:

1. Fat obese woman, not bearing down, baby with a breech presentation, a frail skiny-thin R-2, trying to extract the baby out, fundal by an Intern and R-1, the baby's come half way out, and the head's stuck in there.

Yenna Rascalla ! The R-2 has had enough.
Now, she is fed up of the effort she's put in.

Sheooo. Sheeo Sheeo.

She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

Hmmmmmm.

With all the vigour she possesses, she shouts, 'Emmmmmmmm' and plays the tug-of-war, with the mother.

'Ye Bachcha hume de de, Maai !!'

;-)

One more 'Emmmmmmmmmm.... ' and the baby comes out in the hands of R-2.

Slow motion:
R-2 is holding the baby in her hands, and she's falling down to the ground.

Knees bent, she's about to hit rock bottom.

Only inches away from hitting herself on the floor.

STOP.

Swoooosh.

She stands up on her feet from that position, and keeps the baby in the baby tray.

"Mind it."

A meany stare.


(Hey, yeah, this all happened. and in the same Rajnikant way that I tried to weave in words.)

It was because of the umbilical cord, and the attached placenta, that the baby and R-2 recoiled back. (I hope now you can understand how frail and skinny my R-2 is!! ) ;-)

* The baby was a huge 3.8 kg !!

2. A delivery that wet us all.
Under-estimating the excessive liquor that she had, we had to shower ourselves in the approximate 4 litre of fluid that gushed out, as soon as the baby was delivered.

It was like standing at the opening of the dam gates !! 
:-D


Tele says: What does a Breech baby do first??




Simple. 
Shows a 'Butt' to the world. 
:-P

'Figuring' Myself !

(Disclaimer: All the facts stated here are not merely a figment of imagination, or an attempt at comedy. They are damn true. Any resemblance to a person i.e. me is not incidental, but consciously deliberated, for entertainment purposes. Kindly portray the caricature, as described.)

Mirror, Mirror. On the Wall,

The truest one and the bitter too,

Am I a princess or a Doll?

Say the truth, as you always do.

Mirror:

The short stature you have,
is the asymmetrical IUGR.

The Broadness is the one that led to abnormal labour to your mother.
Shoulder dystocia.

The broad forehead and the number of stitch scar marks on it, are the ideal place for the pediculous capitis to play ice-cricket.
(Howwzaat ? B-a-ld !! )

The slit like eyes, and the overwhelming perorbital oedema, not only renders you the fame of being a live, for-ever Nephrotic Syndrome specimen, but also questions your ethnicity, and your genotype! (Mongoloid facies- Down's !!)

The short-broad-square palms with the perfect cushions ever, and the short-stout digits that rest on it, are the ones designed to hurt you least, while doing the best (worst) thing in Obstetrics: Ante-natal Check Up. (Hey, am talking about the 400 BP measurements that happen on that day.)

The rat-like inturned ear pinna you have, is your asset to hear only what you need to, conveniently dropping most of the instructions hurled at you by the residents and the teachers. You have the ears for Stethoscopic listening. Retaining only those sounds that are directly put into them.

The surface marking mummified dummy you have been -'coz of the see-through clavicle and the eye-catching Angle of Louis- helped the whole lot of '05 girls to clear their anatomy examinations. (Though, Only for the Head and Neck and Upper Trunk Region! )

Saying anything about anything else, is not required. 'Coz it probably doesn't exist. (Second what your batchmates think.) *Now, I know if people do eye in those realms, it could be 'coz of lack of it.

The hypertrophied gluteaus and the hypertrophied calves, (the results of reading in MBBS and the results of running behind and for the patients, respectively.) are your identity.

Webby feet, creating the doubt of you having polydactyly, and the shabby footwear on them, are a testimony to the old Marwari saying, ' pag chota sapoot ra, aur pag chauda kapoot ra!' - Good children have small feet, and the large-wide feet are the characteristic of Rowdy Kids. (On the basis of their attitude/ behaviour towards parents.) *Shabby footwear- attributed to the different varitey of feet I have, which is not supported by any wide range and variety of any footwear brands.

Mirror, Mirror. On the wall,

The truest one and the bitter too,

After looking and seeing all,

With the verdict, here I go.

Mathematics would love you,

Asymmetry and Disproportions.

Medicine would accept you,

Diseases and Specimens.

Art creates you.

A turned sour one.

Mirror, Mirror. On the wall.

Here, It says it All. 

You're a both, a princess at heart,

and a Doll at thinking.

:-)

Driving...

Driving into the lanes of the interiors of the city.... (which ideally should be called 'corridors', coz they are no more wider than them!)

 ...with a big fat eldah sister behind (Ohh! how I love calling her that...)

and a gear-ed two wheeler...(a la 'Maii LML Scooter...!!... which has recently got a new stand- one which forces me to extend each and every lower limb joint, in case I need to hold it stationary, which happens far too often in the city area.)

Ohh! I wish, the interiors were better planned...a bit better spaced.

I wish the people out there, would stop believing that the roads are their corridors, and walk a bit towards the edges.
Every moment that I saw an empty lane, and changed my gear, I would be seeing some 'aunties' and kids roaming around in the midst as if it was a picnic spot, with a very beautiful lawn laid, and some beautiful butterflies to caught hold off.... -the kids were here one moment, and would run suddenly to the opposite side!! :-x

I wish there was a technique with which the horn could be kept sounding continuously,
so that they could understand that some poor-old-people are driving, and with the little space around, could be forced to fall into a puddle of 'sewer-draining nala'.

The irony is, even after beating the horn loud enough to deafen my ears, these people do not move.
Deaf people.

The road is less of a road, but more of a caterpillar ka jhoola !!

They have endless no. of bumpers, with their steeper heights, ones which worry me, for they might have hit my petrol tank so many times, that it would have started crying and shedding tears (petrol !)


All my joints have been 'moved' , and if I am found on my bed with some sub-luxated hand and wrist joints (the gear changing hand!!), some muscular pain in my arms, callosities all over the palm, some good dole-shole (biceps), some lacerated tendons and torn ligaments (of the lower limb!)

 , you know what happened to me....

Drivi-cities ossificans !!

:-)

Visit to a Palmistry and Horoscope Specialist...

Interested ??

Not me, though.

But, yeah, once in a while (some 4-5 years) I do walk into their territory, and get my 'bhavishya' known.
I don't love it, but I do hate it. Hate because my parents are amongst the ones mad about it. They have friends who are astrologers, and vaastu-shastra-knowers. They talk so much of it, and they discuss so much of it, that If I say, they are obsessed about them, it would not be wrong. They have knowledge about the stuff themselves, and they have visited almost around-fifty different astrologers.

Believe me, being in a astrologer-fanatic's house is tough. Especially, when they decide the color you wear, the rings you put, the pendants you are forced to put your neck around, the particular 'daan' you are told to do.

Although this much of stuff doesn't happen with me, plainly 'coz I refuse to accept their theories and do what they say. And that's because I have an opinion, one which says, that whatever has to happen, will happen, and if we can't change it, why even know what is going to happen.
Save the suspense for later, dude. ;-)

This battle of my opinion, and my siblings, v/s our parents, happens far too often.

I would have been damn interested in writing it here, only if I had not been so bored of talking on it.

And, I was bored on starting it all over again, today, when they asked me to come with them.

And, I found this stuff would be interesting,atleast more than the way I am letting my holidays go like.

Now, how they are going is not the point. Ohk. :-x

I landed up to this spooky place, where this very old man, somewhere around his 70s sits. A dark-place, of the size of a corridor, with a high-ceiling fan, that created enough noise to mask the old man's whispers.
There was this ugly butterfly that targeted me, the moment I sat down. And I could visualize one or two small rats (the baby ones-just a little bit bigger than the littre) running around the place, to take the remaining breath outta my lungs.

Seated myself in front of him, and put my right hand on a big-fat-cushion.

He started his study, and the excerpts are here:

# You are highly attached to your mom- much more than any child. And, you would never leave her. (True to its core, I can't live without her.)

# You have a very stable mind. (False, if this is what you call stable, then the birds live here, not the horses.)

# An extremely strong will-power. (True. Though only partially, as I don't have a will now, so forget power. But, I had this some years back, when I was fighting PMTs.)

# You will time and again make your parents proud. (I wish I do....)

# I have some sort of 'Sun' in Some part of my horoscope, whose position indicates, that I am very very powerful. (i.e. he said: 'Makkar se nahi lena takkar.' i.e. Anyone who argues against me will have to accept my point, and would surrender.) :-) 

By this time, I had sort of started to love him. :-)

# I am lucky.

# I will get some kind of a National Award sometime. (ha ha.... he said, some padma-shri or something)

All while he was looking at my hand and my horoscope, he repeatedly said, 'I love this kundali, I love this kundali.'

# I have another planet somewhere, which makes me a master at many things i.e. I have so many diversions than the usual medical stuff, that sometimes it ends up ruining my growth in my field. (My mum-dad agreed in unison, they are fed up of my netting around, writing, painting, designing and dancing, and what not..)

# I will get some sort of serious injury in my legs, sometime soon. And he has adviced me to drive slowly. (Now, that forces me to think, whether my mum-dad paid him some stuff to say that. They are scared like hell about my rash driving, which they attribute to my un-punctuality.)

# I am prone to influences, and am a hit amongst the opposite gender. (Ohh, the first part is true, but, never knew they tell all this also (the latter).)

 Rest all was fine, don't remember the details more....

Now came my time to ask, and question. I had, by now, started to love him. he he. So, I shot at him, all my questions.

1. Why did you see my right hand, when people say, its the left hand of girls that one should look at? (Hey, I hope you are not considering me a male !)
-- Seeing the left hand of a girl is not true. We, merely, see the working hand of the individual.

2. What does my hand/ horoscope suggest about my base of work: India/ US?
-- Your hand strongly suggests you would stay in India, be some hot-shot, and you would visit a lot many nations. And, your hand also suggests that you are bound to succeed in abroad as well. US is also a good option for you.
(Damn. He left me into the dilemma I already was suffering from.)

3. So, where do you suggest I should go?
-- I suggest you go to US. It will be great for you. But, India too is extremely suitable for you.
(What the hell, man.)
You are a strong will-powered lady who would succeed where-ever you go. So, choose any which base, there are no major obstacles in your success. (#@$%^# - What do I decipher from here??)

4. What speciality I should look out for? (My mum-dad put this up....I don't have confidence over my clearing the Pre-PGs, and they were talking about branch and all. Shit.)
-- Surgery.
(Hey boy, how I controlled myself from hugging him is what, only I know. Elated to the peripheries.)

My questioning ended here, and then started some more rounds about TJ Snr, and Kiddo.
After a couple of hours spend there, I think, it was not a complete waste. I had enough of entertainment, and enough of morale-boosting stuff.


The next round can wait for some 5 years now.... :-)

Tele says: What does the palmist say when you go to them??

Yeh haath mujhe de de, thakur....!! ;-) 

Something, Somewhere went terribly wrong...

:-)

Talking over the phone...

 all the time while cutting the veggies,

preparing the stuffing,

cooking,

doing the dishes....

Now, have this wry neck, spastic, painful one, which is not being relieved by the medications ...


Can only say this :

(Dedicated to all my buddies, whom I talked to yesterday, non-stop for some 4 hours.)

'You 


are 


such 


a 


big 


pain 


in 


my 


NECK !! '  ;-)

Another blow...

7 years Post-puberty,I finally have the proudy 'Acne' visible on my so-near-to-natural face.

The pimply pains too found the perfect time to erupt and cause the maximum damage to my already not-so-good academic year.

I would like to extend my thanks:

1. To the final year examination stress, for contributing to the development of this sign, and making me realise that I have finally become an adolescent.
(Altho, I have already spend 2 years without this 'youthful' tag!)

2. To the deary deary mess-ka-food, which is full of garlic.
(My sebaceous glands are allergic to garlic, everytime I have it, something pops out of my face!)

3. To the regular change of soap, that I use. (Have been forced to use such different varieties of soap, that it appears to me as if I am a part of a survey/research 'on the affects of different types of soaps on Dry skin' !)

Done that, I need to emphasize on the fact, that now I am at loss of another advantage, that could have let me pass these tests.

Here, The prerequisites for one to clear these tortures, successfully, are:

1. Knowledge.
2. Lineage.
3. XX with or without beauty


I am left with only the last option (Without Beauty!) , and all I can thank is my Parents for this. :-D
(The XX Chromosomes!!)

*I am not beautiful, but, I have this dimply cheek, that can be lethal at times (provided it is used at the right place and the right time!)
But, the acne sprouting around the dimple is grossly hampering the lethal affect, and is seriously, a major blow to my preparation, and results. :-)

Hv fun....
:)

The Dentist with a Golden Incisor !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is in tribute to my Elder Sister's
ingenious and whacky ways of experimenting
with things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This act is copyrighted in the name of

The Great Elder Sister, TJ

Anyone found trying to copy these acts will
have to pay a 'huge price' to their
personality (appearance!) !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A girl in her 23s and some 4 months (mentioned, so as to let you know the optimum time required for one to develop such innovative and out-of-the-world thinking that she,now possesses.)

A Dentist by profession, now preparing for her Pre-PGs, mugging all day long, had a vision, a Newton-istic vision, and she kept observing the cosmetic collection kept neatly stacked in rows, near the mirror.

She knew the vision was revolutionary in some perspect, and got up to prove her point and do something that her world of teeth and gums would be proud of.

She knew THIS would be time when she would rise amongst her peers, to a status that of Archimedes in Physics.

And so fascinated by her discovery, she ran out of her room, shouting 'EUREKA EUREKA!' 'TELE TELE !' (but, NOT sans clothes!! ) *Thank GOD! coz such exhibitionism is strictly punishable in our place.*

WHAAAA !!!

What I see in front of me, is my elder sis with her 29 teeth out (She hasn't got all her 'Wisdom' teeth erupted___ guess, that's the reason why all this was happening!!)

And amongst them was this Central Incisor...Painted GOLDEN...

The nail-paint had been her proud buoyancy mug!

She has painted her upper right central incisor golden with a nail-paint.

And, now, as I write this, She is running around the house for a Nail-paint remover, Spirit of any sort...so that she could get off her..

*Apparently she had thought it would peel off, or come out easily with some sort of scratching/ mechanical way.
But, IT IS NOT!!

Hehehe haha !!

Did someone say, "Tele is Laughing." ?


Not at all....

I am crying in laughter....!! yuhoo....yippie !!! :-))
I am Loving it!!
He he ha ha ha !!

Back Up Plan !!

It would sound extremely weird...

But, I want to write this.

And, here I go...

#1 ~ The girl-next-door, i.e. my neighbour in the hostel dreamt of me.


Aaaahhhh ! The guys (I suppose!) are already getting their minds to work.

And for a change, their line of thought IS correct. :-D

My neighbour, who is perfectly 'Straight' in sexuality, dreamt of me, and imagined us as a twosome. :-(

!! An Important fact that needs to be emphasized here, and asserted: I AM STRAIGHT!!

Well, it was a dream, and it had to be weird. and something out of the reality.
So, I was cool with it.
After all, it was just a dream.

But, the shocking thing was when she told me that 'she loved the dream, and it was mainly because of my boy-ish ways of living life, that she dreamt of me with her, and not someone else.'
Haaah !!


Man, just whistling down your wing, and wearing Nadal pants, and driving a Scooter, and not studying till the night before the exams, and having a chilled thinking doesn't make me boyish !! Does it ??


Hey, even if it does.... Damn it, Man.

I don't give it a Sh*t !! :-))

Tele says: The silver lining of the whole incident is, that
Even if I end up Boy-friend-less, I stand a chance at gals !! ;-)
Haha !!
My Back Up plan might fore-fire !! :-)


#2 ~ As the exams are slowly moving towards me, my mind is getting flushed with ideas, and is becoming exponentially coherent to write on the things, which have for long been stagnant in my mind.

Every 30 minutes, my mind makes me think bout things in my life, makes me analyse my actions, makes me wanting to bring drastic changes in my life.

I am becoming obsessed of thinking about me, my life, my family, and my future. (not about my impending exams...and my classy rotten preparation, and my meek chances of passing them.)


#3 ~ Deluded, here you go...I've allowed the posts to have comments.

PS: Please sympathise with me, and If I am unable to reply to your comments, Please pardon this 'about-to-flunk' kid.

Clinicals !!

On the 30th of September, I would be appearing for the Sent-up Clinicals for Medicine!

Yeah, Big Deal.

if you might happen to know how vaaaaast Medicine is, you'll definitely know why it is A Big Deal.

The examiner's are the damn well-versed physicians who have the books' literature on their tongue's most apical areas.Waiting to be vomited at your insignificant knowledge.

And we, the examinees, are the cool, medical students,
who love to defer acads upon later (we can defer them upto the last day before the Universities, plainly for the hope of the exams being postponed.),

and who love to talk (till the last minute of the on-going lecture),

and gossip (till the last few 'ml' of our forced expiratory capacities),

and roam around (even 10-15 minutes after our hostel gate closes, or till the other person shuts her room door at our faces & we can't find anyone else awake.),

and shop (till the last penny of 'thy' friend.),

and eat (sometimes upto the limit of going into a gastric rupture. We might sometimes have a smiling umbilicus-ala ascitic presentation of the abdomen),

and watch movies (we frequently find ourselves giving voices to the movie actors,coz we have mugged up the dialogues by-heart.),

and always find something to talk about in the first five minutes of our serious pre-exam cramming session, and agree to a friend's mood of not studying and accompany her. :)


Well, I can never stop talking about what paranoid activities we indulge into. And not deviating from my purpose; I talk about 'most nearing threat to my existence' : My clinicals.

The Sequence of Events will be:

We all would be collecting around the Wards, in such numbers, that even the HOD would be forced to rub his eyes, "All these were posted in this Department ? All of you?"

The patients would be found in a better behaved, and disciplined fashion. "Itne saare daactor aaye hai. Aaj koi bada doctor aaya hoga! " And they don't mess with us. (They would readily give their histories to us.)



Then, we'll be alloted the beds, and I would end up looking like this !!



And would carry the erroneous examinations...

The inspections, palpations, percussions and the auscultations... (This is the only sequence I'm confident about, and I KNOW what these stand for. *raising collars*)

PS: I would rather not comment on how to carry them out, in the manner the examiner wants me to. Coz, the method that I would follow would be anyways not accepted.



And, they don't like my hammer...Coz it looks like this:



Whereas, they want something like this:



Whooa! What is there in a shape? It still solves the purpose. Doesn't it? Huh !
*Small heads*

And, then I would be asked about this:



And Ryle's tube, LP needle, Liver Biopsy needle, and some Foley's cathether (just wish, I could keep one placed into me, in case, I go into some stress-induced Incontinence! Would wanto save myself from the added embarrassment, you see.)

And would be asked about these scribbles, which are very much similar to the ones I end up making in the lecture (whilst living in my world, with the Reticular Activating System at absolute peace, c/a NREM sleep.) Alprazol-ized!



And they would check my long term memory by asking me questions on the pills & drugs & their side-effects, all of which was taught 2 years ago. Two Years Gone, and they expect me to remember each and every smallest adverse reaction of the drug and its dose schedule in the different diseases. WTF !





Hey, wouldn't you like to see how I would be managing a Viva-voice ?






Most of the times .....I would be confused...trying to decipher what exactly does the examiner want to ask, and more importantly, what does he want as an answer.
(This is the BITTER TRUTH: For a successful viva, you need not know everything, what you must be knowing is to match your frequency with the examiner's...Coz he would settle only when his ear-drums catch upon a vibration that was moving in his internal capsule, and his cortex and his thalamus.

And, these happy expressions would be seen, when in the midst of the examination, I would hit an idea, about how I would be enjoying my rest of the day, after the about-to-finish torture.
:-)
:-)

Examiners are dementors, they drain the happiness from your souls.
But If you think about the most happiest moments of your life, (the post-exam period)
You might be able to fight them, and throw them miles away from you. (read as: A few days.)


What I dread is : GETTING A

STAMP.

Don't you relax.

Coz...


Exams will soon have another innings in this test match, where despite playing on a Follow-on, the game never ends. We have to play innings on innings, until we retire, i.e. die (Applicable to all Doctors.)

WISH ME LUCK ! :-)

Hello, Am Back! Hopefully...

Work,Posting,College,and Studies (~My liabilities),and to some extent,'My letter-eating-keyboard' have kept me away from Blogging.

Sorry People.

But,I couldn't (din't wanto) exert myself in hitting the same letter, some 5-6 times, in order to be able to see it on the screen.
Forget letters, the SpaceBar irritated methemost.

See,it is still not functioning in the standard 'healthy manner'.
But,still I am frustrated enough, for not having written anything since long..and I have consciously decided for this torture to myself. (Actually, a Pleasure!)

*Whatever happens, the Space should be always there, functioning.
It makes everything sweet & worthwhile. (Its the Key to keep a Blog running...and Life.)

Repairing the Keyboard of nime,I did a nistake...I have put the 'M' key at 'N's place and vice-a-versa. Norom, I an! ;-)
And,I conclude that opening the whole board for such a petty thing is so boring.I neam, Mean...It's not going to cause much problem.
I hope you people will understand my time-constraints,and my inability to bore myself with such a task.

I have many tasks to be done,you see...


*Buying a new watch for myself.

*Listen to songs on my New MP3.

*Sleep around for 9 hours daily.

*Talk on the phone for 4 hours at-least.

*Watching 'Rakhi's show'... (Yaar,Sometimes even I want to have a hearty laugh, and what better non-sense to watch than this.)

*Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. at 12 in night,till 1, or till my Mum comes out of her room (with all wired-up hair,eyeballs not visible due to the bright light which dazzles her) and reminds me of the class next morning (for which,I have asked her to get up at 6:00, and continuously nag at me, so that I can get ready for the class @ 8.)

(My latent period/ reflex action time has risen tremendously.
From the few minutes, in school, its now been in hours,since the last 2 months.)
And,it has done nothing,but helped me miss most of my lectures.
And helped me reach half an hour late,in an hour's class.
And, helped me sing a song to the class,as a punishment task.

(It ain't a good idea to torture/punish the sincere-95-fellas for landing in time,by making me sing a 'fultoo-Hindi-Romantic-number',that too for a Whole Minute!)

Poor fellas, I am sorry.Sorry for making you listen to a sur-and-taal-deficient song.In a croaking-and-melody-less voice of mine.Malingning the song which you all dearly love- "Suraj Hua Maddham". I am SORRY.

:-0
See,Now I know why Sir made me sing it. So that I feel guilty.
And,I am.
Or am I not?
Hey,I think I am not.
Of course,I am not guilty.
WHY should I feel this way?
I just discovered a new talent of mine.
I showcased it in front of an audience of near-100.
I need a treat.
And, I need to thank sir, for finding this pearl from the vast ocean in me.

:-)