Clinicals !!

On the 30th of September, I would be appearing for the Sent-up Clinicals for Medicine!

Yeah, Big Deal.

if you might happen to know how vaaaaast Medicine is, you'll definitely know why it is A Big Deal.

The examiner's are the damn well-versed physicians who have the books' literature on their tongue's most apical areas.Waiting to be vomited at your insignificant knowledge.

And we, the examinees, are the cool, medical students,
who love to defer acads upon later (we can defer them upto the last day before the Universities, plainly for the hope of the exams being postponed.),

and who love to talk (till the last minute of the on-going lecture),

and gossip (till the last few 'ml' of our forced expiratory capacities),

and roam around (even 10-15 minutes after our hostel gate closes, or till the other person shuts her room door at our faces & we can't find anyone else awake.),

and shop (till the last penny of 'thy' friend.),

and eat (sometimes upto the limit of going into a gastric rupture. We might sometimes have a smiling umbilicus-ala ascitic presentation of the abdomen),

and watch movies (we frequently find ourselves giving voices to the movie actors,coz we have mugged up the dialogues by-heart.),

and always find something to talk about in the first five minutes of our serious pre-exam cramming session, and agree to a friend's mood of not studying and accompany her. :)


Well, I can never stop talking about what paranoid activities we indulge into. And not deviating from my purpose; I talk about 'most nearing threat to my existence' : My clinicals.

The Sequence of Events will be:

We all would be collecting around the Wards, in such numbers, that even the HOD would be forced to rub his eyes, "All these were posted in this Department ? All of you?"

The patients would be found in a better behaved, and disciplined fashion. "Itne saare daactor aaye hai. Aaj koi bada doctor aaya hoga! " And they don't mess with us. (They would readily give their histories to us.)



Then, we'll be alloted the beds, and I would end up looking like this !!



And would carry the erroneous examinations...

The inspections, palpations, percussions and the auscultations... (This is the only sequence I'm confident about, and I KNOW what these stand for. *raising collars*)

PS: I would rather not comment on how to carry them out, in the manner the examiner wants me to. Coz, the method that I would follow would be anyways not accepted.



And, they don't like my hammer...Coz it looks like this:



Whereas, they want something like this:



Whooa! What is there in a shape? It still solves the purpose. Doesn't it? Huh !
*Small heads*

And, then I would be asked about this:



And Ryle's tube, LP needle, Liver Biopsy needle, and some Foley's cathether (just wish, I could keep one placed into me, in case, I go into some stress-induced Incontinence! Would wanto save myself from the added embarrassment, you see.)

And would be asked about these scribbles, which are very much similar to the ones I end up making in the lecture (whilst living in my world, with the Reticular Activating System at absolute peace, c/a NREM sleep.) Alprazol-ized!



And they would check my long term memory by asking me questions on the pills & drugs & their side-effects, all of which was taught 2 years ago. Two Years Gone, and they expect me to remember each and every smallest adverse reaction of the drug and its dose schedule in the different diseases. WTF !





Hey, wouldn't you like to see how I would be managing a Viva-voice ?






Most of the times .....I would be confused...trying to decipher what exactly does the examiner want to ask, and more importantly, what does he want as an answer.
(This is the BITTER TRUTH: For a successful viva, you need not know everything, what you must be knowing is to match your frequency with the examiner's...Coz he would settle only when his ear-drums catch upon a vibration that was moving in his internal capsule, and his cortex and his thalamus.

And, these happy expressions would be seen, when in the midst of the examination, I would hit an idea, about how I would be enjoying my rest of the day, after the about-to-finish torture.
:-)
:-)

Examiners are dementors, they drain the happiness from your souls.
But If you think about the most happiest moments of your life, (the post-exam period)
You might be able to fight them, and throw them miles away from you. (read as: A few days.)


What I dread is : GETTING A

STAMP.

Don't you relax.

Coz...


Exams will soon have another innings in this test match, where despite playing on a Follow-on, the game never ends. We have to play innings on innings, until we retire, i.e. die (Applicable to all Doctors.)

WISH ME LUCK ! :-)