False perception

I thought I was tough for emergencies...

...Until I saw my Dad collapse (though only for a minute) to unconsciousness.


Dreaded Morning of 22.01.2012

When I once read Cholera could take lives due to dehydration, I wondered, 'Come on, Man! How can a few episodes of diarrhoea do this, especially when you'll anyways be increasing your fluid intake if you face such rice watery stools. And, besides...you've medicines available to control diarrhoea...Sporolac works so fine, Eno relieves the associated nausea, Rice-Curd mixture is so good, bananas will be at rescue.'

Ridiculing these situations in present times, I had ignorantly interpreted medicine textbooks.

Eight months back, when my Mom told me over the phone that Dad had become unconscious while in the toilet, and she has hospitalized him for some intravenous fluid administration, I concluded my Mom was being over-worried, and probably, I had become a bit more insensitive to illness. GI infection it was.

She was unable to understand how could a meager 4 episodes lead to such a situation. She was REAL worried, for she didn't want to lose him. He was the person who had loved her the most, defended her, praised her, and above all, the one who is with her no matter what happens. He was her partner. But, I felt she was taking the worry to an all-together new level, unnecessarily. Stolid, I was.

She left no stone un-turned...got him a Color Doppler for the carotids trying to locate if there's any deficit in supply to the brain; got him a 24 hour Holter ECG monitoring to find out if there's any pump defect; and got an Echo cardiogram done.

Reports were normal. This must have helped her ease the tension.

Cut it to this Saturday night...

Watery Stools...early morning....sometime around 4am...Mommy's shouting....'Teleeeeee! Teleeeee!'...the next moment I see my Dad sitting on the commode, his neck listlessly falling on Mom's chest, his hands hanging by the sides, and even with the 200 decibel shouting he refused to react.

That was enough to get me scared, shout, tremor, run amok....and know that no one's brave hearted when it comes to your dear ones.

I'm not Insensitive, Mom! I don't perceive so, anymore.

We revived him...A glass of water with a spoon of sugar and a pinch of salt...massaged his calf muscles to shift the blood reservoir of legs to central circulation...and raised his legs above the level of chest...made him have Electrol solution every 15 minutes...monitored his pulse...gave him Sporolac, antibiotics, vitamins, and easy to digest food.

The next morning, I was roaming around in the corridor, waiting for the Gastroenterologist to show up (On a Sunday) to rule out Carcinoid Syndrome. ;-)
Results negative. Relieved on one frontier, but tensed on another.
Don't want to let him stay alone...for any which purpose.

He's absolutely fine, now!

The Unthreaded Kite

In the heavenly clouds...

With the cool breeze...

In your constant company, Dear Cuckoo

I breathe the freedom.

Harsh winds motivate...

Rains wash my guilt away...

For now, I live on my own

how-so-ever brief that might be.

The vast architechture below...

Is so tiny to my liberation...

Cyclic redundance world adopted

When independence, I have attained.

Demise, though, mine is decided...

My own sways I make...

In your constant company, Oh Cuckoo

Before death, my life I'll live.

(On the eve of Makar Shakraanti, where my city's skies are flooded with kites)

Inquisition

On a tete-a-tete with myself...

What am I supposed to be doing? 

What was my genesis for?

...Inquisitive, these questions irk me, for I fail to reach an answer to them!

And some answers that I hit...

To love, to appreciate...

To create, to enjoy...

To celebrate, to behold...

To lighten, to understand...

To solve, to breathe...

In the clear skies above the borderless earth

To transcend, to tranquilize...

To connect, to discover...

That life was beyond working...

It was about living,

To my heart's core...

Not to give in to the demands of time.

To fly free, to swim in water currents

and in midst stopping for some strength and some air.

Yes, I live in two different worlds...of my brain and of my heart...one which tries to stuff in wiseness and the
other which enraptures me to beauty and content...

Not difficult to guess which you'll find me right now in, Isn't it?

Courtesy Google for Images!

Diary, 7th Jan'12

Reading was never so good. I somehow feel i wud like to continue reading my subjects more than i thot i was willing to.

And harrison has seriously become interesting. Like that.

The whole adventure of finding d ans and reading frm diff books is a challenge to mental capacity and intellect and i like it.

Tho, a few days back I was clearly pinning against it, infact wanting to sue the aiims ppl for not declaring the questions and their set of answers...now I think, if they hadn't done this, we would have never exercised our brains, and would hv easily mugged up those ans frm d guides out in market, like the majority still does, and cracks exams.

I don't know how my ppr will go, bt m happy for i hv gained knowledge, for d sake of gaining, and giving this xam. I hvn't prepared for clearing this xam, which my colleagues and family members criticize. But, the smart thing is obviously that which i am nt doing. When reading i can't just end up reading wat is asked. I end up reading it in detail. Although tht clears my basics, bt in the long run, keeping in mind the huge huge matter available, remembering and recalling isn't fruitful if u hv nt read selectively. Application is one thing tht this xam sure teaches us.

Phew! Anyways, I'll be having another set of exams in Jan and Feb, and then my Sisters marriage in March. Yes, I am geared up for the battle...i.e. Tomorrow.

And, maybe for every battle there on, for now I know and feel the power of medicine. And, I would rather not quit it. Instead, I'm on a whole diff angle, enjoying it. Yeah!! :)

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Diary, 9th Jan'12:

Weeping in my quilt, I don't hv much to tell you...I have no idea what happened during those 210 minutes. I feel stunned, and after the last night news about the racket...I feel disgusted. Do I have a right to survive in this mean world of medicine without money? I was still happier yesterday...no, I guess...it was all inside me...heating up, accumulating up to burst right now. I feel even more lonely to leave this place at this moment, without a certainity, without a gone-good paper, without my partner...without any happiness at all.
I don't know if I would like to continue it any further. If my efforts are to see this day, I better not keep any hope. Cheated, I feel. Ruined, almost. Though, my knowledge is there with me, but with such betrayals, I feel like dumping it right here. Even if it would have been a bit better, only a bit, I wouldn't have bothered. Oh Phew! I just don't wanna write anymore...I just want to run away, far far away.

Hung

Wiseness it seems is in to continue...

Freedom though might be in breaking.

Sanity it appears lies in stability...

Pleasure though might seem in experimenting.

One moment this appeals, the other it dismays...

Stuck in between, my bipolar heart sways.

Bait of the Wait

The destiny changer is nearing fast...but the destined is moving slowly.
Calendar is changing dates...but the minute hand has dozed off.

I look at the clock, whose each grain I can distinctly see falling down the gravity to get lost in the heap...
...the way I would want to get lost in you.

The rain drops are taking shape and hitting the ground, to disintegrate into many a small pseudopods...
...the way I would want to embrace you like.

I can feel the heart opening up to accomodate the blood, to pulse it into the body with ziest and thrust...
...the way I would want to cling to you at your arrival.

The swooshing wave is dancing in air, to softly stroke the beach sand in its face...
...the way...Aha!

The dense fog is about to set...to blinden me to all things unimportant...

It's you for whom I'm, in all eagerness, whiling time.

It's you for whom my destiny, Oh my destined, can be put to wait.

(01.01.2012)

Courtesy Google for Image!