Are we heading towards a socio-mental apocalypse?

 In the current times, we as individuals, are busy building an impressive career, upgrading our skills, trying to create a pile of savings, and uplifting our strata in the society. To simplify, we are trying to make the most out of every second.

The need to effectively, efficaciously utilizing our time, guides our actions and words. Our professional ambitions are elephantine and patience- infantile. 

Well, this realization comes to me as I am running pillar to post, to achieve something in my professional sphere. Being a mom of two with a household to run (which consumes a significant share of the day), even after putting in a whooping 8-12 hours a day at workplace, I feel inadequate, at loss of time and guilt myself for not being able to still do enough!!

I am, currently, on a study leave for my upcoming university examinations. I am getting to spend more time at home with my kids, even if I may not be there mentally present always, I am there!! I see myself a lot more calmer. This leaves me acknowledging how a little more time changes me as a mother. The clock ticks are a tad bit quieter in my head.

On a usual day, we would wake-up, do our morning routine (with or without time for exercise), and wake the kids just in time to get them ready for school, to reach in time at school and workplace, squeeze in time for a quick hurried breakfast in the car and a squashed in lunch in between the meetings or appointments. Kids being taken for their evening play with a caretaker who have their own challenges and priorities. Leaving as fast as we can to reach home to be with the kids, and ensure that they eat their one meal together with us and snug them to bed to make them rise in time for school the next day. We are literally, talking clocks and ticking bombs. Deviations get us stuck.

Our kids are impatient, because we don't have time. They are intolerant, because we don't have the bandwidth to wrap up or correct after them in case of mistakes. It is us they are mirroring and learning from.

Achieving more is always a desire which drives growth - of us as individuals and of the society as a whole. But, at what cost?

What is the next generation learning from us? They will normalize this and they will choose to not speak because we don't have time to talk, to share, to teach, to learn from each other.

Our dependency on machines for everything is increasing exponentially at the cost of the humane, benevolent, curious side of ours. We are not helping our kids with their questions, how do we expect them to help others! We are not sharing ourselves with our kids, how do they learn to share anything!!

The mental diseases are way more prevalent - not only because of awareness and openness to talk about it, but also because of the shattering framework of the strongest unit - the family.

If comparing ourselves with our peers and seniors was not enough (thanks to the social media), now, we also have to compete with the robots. In all these advancements, one thing is being strongly affected and neglected...The upbringing of kids. The fabric of their mental development is being weaved with the most weak threads, which are themselves worn out, ready to break at the slightest pressure. 

What are we heading towards? 

An earth ready for a physical apocalypse due to the exploitation of resources

AND

Our society ready for a mental apocalypse due to the disrespect for family time.

Vision is back to 6/6!

 Just broke free...

From years of emotional sidelining,

Basic humane heart touches,

Conditional love, and

Stubbing of my respect at the heel of patriarchy.

Feel liberated, 

Confident, and

Zealous

To live a life without the bitter slices on my plate,

Ruining taste buds on a daily basis.

Clarity!

No blurring!!

I own and choose my Plate/ Place!!

Realisation on 15.12.2025

Worded on 17. 12. 2025

Aim for twinkling stars in my sky!

 Come to 2025!(Almost the time to bid bye is nearing, too!)

-- I am a two-boy mom, who is also an obstetrician-gynecologist, who is pursuing a sub-speciality fellowship training and handling a Marwadi joint family kitchen & house. --

I, still, have tens of passionate ambitions, a thousand dreams, lakhs of expectations, and crores of daily chores on my list - all to be achieved in a unit of time. However, writing for myself does find its way to my diary often. Today, inspired by my friend Sumaiyya & after reading a couple of posts on Sir Murali Thondebhaavi's blog, I chose to regain my expressiveness on public platforms. I do need to bring out my thoughts out of the blue diary in the drawer of my bed-side table, without bothering about judgements, incorrect grammar, imprecise articulation and learn from my mistakes.

I, still, want to have it all. My friends say, I can't. I may be unhappy at times with myself, overburdened and overworked to onlookers. But, there is no other way I know in which I can exist and be me, simultaneously.

Course books have taken a backseat. I am currently focussing on my development as an individual with emotional regulation, which will help me in becoming a less angry mother. So, this is one thing which I will be very happy about (hopefully as years pass by) - My kids are my highest priority. I get to learn new things about myself and correct my own innumerable fallacies with their growth.

This post is dedicated to my GROWTH and my wish that my heart continues to aim for the infinite stars in my sky!!!

Are you making room for mistakes?

Loved the article here.... 

https://rukminiguevara.medium.com/why-not-making-room-for-mistakes-is-your-biggest-mistake-d2317a973614

I realized that, me and my husband are both intolerant to making mistakes. We like saying things once/ doing things once- and expect others to follow suit. We also are difficult people who rarely accept our own mistakes. Consideration about the other's mental state or situation comes only with people who are new to us. Once we know a person, we have a base set, a perception, a story, a judgement already imprinted in our brain, and we are intolerant. To each other - the most. 

Leaves us both in an unhealthy relationship - anger, unmet expectations, unsaid emotions, disappointment at unreached targets. And maybe, we are doing the same to our kids- not accepting that they might be going through something internally which we might be unaware of. Also, with our parents- Me and my mother's relation is definitely of this kind.

Some excerpts of this article which I would like to keep for further reading:

"Being exposed to an abundant source of pressure whether from family, friends, society, or even ourselves, has established a set of bounds in our minds, one being that there is no room for mistakes. It is a deeply ingrained mindset as a type of measurement to meet certain expectations. Otherwise, we beat ourselves for it as a consequence. “I shouldn’t have said that. I should’ve done this. I’m so dumb. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? I hate myself.” We tend to be hard on ourselves even for mistakes with minimal to no aftereffect. This may be a matter of low self-esteem or the intense need for approval. We forget that it is in our very nature as humans to make mistakes. Although aiming high is not necessarily a bad thing, constantly doing so could take a toll on your mental health, lifestyle, and relationships.

Succumbing to your fears and letting it control you, means denying yourself the opportunity to explore and thrive. As the popular saying goes, these mistakes are building blocks to success. It supports you to live your life to the fullest as it replaces your fears with strength and enthusiasm.

If you do make a mistake, embrace your flaws and vulnerability. Yes, recognizing your weaknesses is terrifying, but this means even if you know you suck at something, you choose to believe in yourself and take action to make progress. It’s also important to allow your loved ones to make mistakes. And if they do, develop a genuine understanding. It can be difficult to feel neglected by your significant other. But if you immediately react negatively, you might convey a sense of judgment or lack of understanding. So, you should not easily dismiss them but rather communicate your issues and concerns and give them the chance to learn, to be held accountable, and to grow from their mistakes. It’s also helpful to ask yourself, “Is their mistake bigger than my love for them?” Once you’ve thought about it long and hard, that’s the time you decide your verdict. These mistakes are opportunities to develop one’s mentality and skills. Committing mistakes is not the end of the world, it’s a lesson that reminds us we have room for improvement.

At some point in our lives, we are all bound to disappoint ourselves as well as others, but that’s not to say it’s entirely a negative circumstance. When we have to admit we’re wrong or we’ve been wronged, most of us mope a little but eventually, we move past it. Regardless of who committed a mistake, how you respond to these situations is always your choice. But if you don’t make room for mistakes, then you’re also hindering yourself from making room for improvement.

Some points in life are life changing......

Stains, some are tough, difficult to wash off.

Even a sight of them, the bad memories replay.

Heart, like the cloth, remains pained and hurt.

Can the soul be like a fresh new cloth ever again?

Can my chirpiness, happiness, my inner child ever come back again to life? Can my responsibilities ever end - maybe with separation from people or my own life?

Do what you can DO!!

 Your day has how many hours? Twenty-four!!

My brain refuses to accept, closes the door,

Sits down quietly, and plans my day-

With a long list of “to-dos” in an idealistic way.

Zero time to eat, drink or relax,

With concentration & efficacy at the max.

Agility of a toddler, acuity of a teenager,

Wisdom of a saint, passion of a lover-

All these an ageing brain deluded me with,

Overzealous, unrealistic targets created a myth…

That I am faltering… not doing my bit at my best,

Putting my sincerity, commitment daily at test.

A cycle of dissatisfaction, bottling up, frustration,

lashing out at loved ones, and sky-high expectations.

My clock needs a wind, my soul needs a break!

The tired legs of this hamster, even passion no-more can take.

I can’t have it all, in the perfect way I want it to!

Love, let go, enjoy, breathe & do what “you can” do!

In the moment....LIVE!

 November has gone, December is almost here!

Where is my mind? Somewhere here & there...

Always at a distant place from where I am,

A constant ticker for the future programme.

When I am alone, I regret the past,

The times I lost, as it went too fast.

So, it is either the old or the upcoming

That I live in...not in the springing

Phase that I could be, if I water myself,

Not relive bygones, Not plan ahead; Just leave it to Thyself!

Maternity Break

Getting back to the professional sphere can be challenging after a maternity break.

It could be the separation anxiety. The kid is 24*7 in front of your eyes, your priority- rather- the only work you entrust upon yourself when you take this break. And even the thought of not being able to see the kid as much as one has been doing sends shivers down the spine.

It could also be the anxiety towards the kids needs not being met or care not as much as a mother would do. Giving him time to evolve, to learn, to stimulate his gray cells, to teach him new things actively- all might not match the existing scale.

It could also be the anxiety towards the workplace, work and the outcome. The confidence in your skillset, the added stress, the exhaustion that might set in, the quality and the outcome of the work that one does- everything adds up to mount the challenge.

It could also be the doubt about losing the personal-professional balance. The stress and tiredness reaching the kid, and the upbringing and devoting time to kid leading to sub-par quality of work -both are dangerous and dreaded.

All in all, it is a challenge. Overcoming mental blocks, preparing physically for the time to come and "taking this step" will only solve the riddle and devise new ingenious solutions.

Self Care

When it comes to taking care of others, we are all very careful, cautious and fearful. Sadly, the same isn't true when it comes to self-care. More so for 'mothers' who put themselves at the fag end of the to-do lists, the place where they might not reach for months together.

Self care in terms of nutrition, health, leisure activity, physical exercise and talking to one's self should be a conscious choice. Unfortunately, this is regarding as a vice and not a virtue as per the Indian upbringing, where everything else should be given priority over and above this. Maybe, the moral science lectures need a tweaking and our parents need to re-wire themselves, as what the kids see at home is what they learn.

Self analysis

Our actions, our thoughts, and our words...none of them is totally pure. Every single day if we analyse each one of these, we will have something or the other on which we can and should work upon.

The reason for the impurity can be anything- the need of -acceptance, love, respect, equality, impartiality. And in search of these needs, we may be the one turning more impure. If we behave the way we are being treated like, then it only makes it worse.

Also, the need for all of this is the root cause. And overcoming this is evolving in the truest sense and the ultimate goal of spirituality.

One should not be influenced by the vibes and the behaviour of those around them. This is the ultimate meaning to awakening.

For everything, think about what is necessary, what is kind and what is true.

H(w)ealth

Restarting an old hobby can be challenging as the interests and priorities change with time. Blogger has been sidelined for a good long period. And now, I intend to re-kindle my love with writing. And a lot of things which used to define me.

Health is a blessing, a boon, a wish and a desire (for some).

Being infirm is a curse. And there are people who still find happiness amidst the disease. They are higher beings. And that is when one is awakening spirituality.

Healthcare industry can be best explained by patients and attendants of chronic illnesses. And to become the one who addresses their challenges is my dream (in the capacity of being a doctor).

It feels helpless and furious and depressing when one cannot do much despite the will.

Health is Wealth.

Few minutes of vacation!!

Another major part of the road to the destination has been travelled, the results although will be known only in due course of time.

The burst-out at the hotel was unexpected. A heavy weight off my head, the strong exterior shed off, and my heart lay bare in front of her...the tears knew their caresser was present, and they flew down with howls and cries as I lay inside her wetting her dress while listening to her solacing heart beats.

My mother always exposes the kid in me...

Those few minutes in her arms was my revival and my vacation...all of the emotions felt and expressed at once... the exasperation, my happiness, my sorrow, my turmoil, and my relief!!

She charged me for another three years and I am ready for the coming challenges now!! 

Love her!

Tele-viewing !!

Excitement engulfs the soul for the not-so-distant reality...

The toughest hill, although, remains still unconquered...

Priorities people say, should be in proper place...

Chambers however fail to bow down to the gray matter...

Envisioning the times to come is so beautiful, maybe more beautiful than what will eventually happen...

And in that dream, My DREAM, lies my liberative happiness and content.

(Final Practical exam is 16 days away, and thousands of plans are popping and brimming out of my head)

Personal Rants

Can I ever become normal?

Can I stop committing mistakes?

Can I start being responsible for myself - in my personal and professional lives?

Can I not be complacent?

Can I actually work towards becoming something, someone & not just end up being a lucky idiot who is being looked after and saved by God?

Can i actually become good and caring and intelligent and hard working and dedicated and committed?

Why does it only come to me in flashes ? In periods of long gaps?
Why can't I ALWAYS be motivated to do things?

Why should I just let go off myself??
Why should I not be harsh on myself? The new age teaching and preaching will not take me anywhere...

Why should I misuse the life, love and trust that people have it on me?

Can I not be anymore selfish than this...this extreme that I have already reached?

Can I control all this shit that I have created for myself?

Why should I not be morally correct? Why should I not let go off my dark side??

For whose benefit should I not tame my dark, black, negative side?
It is not good & not right & I should tame it and rule it and curb it down--wrap it in a box of iron and throw it away.

I am meant to be a white, optimistic, positive, non-cribbing, happy person; I was bred that way & now, I shouldn't let this black overpower me...

High time I should stop giving lame excuses about wanting to live life my way... as my way is NOT the right way...It is a bloody wrong path...& I shall and will not let it govern me.

All the negatives - all the pride, the false pride, the procrastination, the hatred, the anger, the lust, the feeling of superiority in wisdom, the distrust, the paranoia, the complaining-cribbing-crying, the blame-game; all is gone...

GONE....
gone from my dictionary, from my life....

I am a changed woman....
...more receptive, more humble, more understanding, more trusting, more loving, more caring, more calmer and more proactive....



All the changes which i underwent in the last decade....all the hurt that flamed and fueled them is what I am letting go today...as that is burning me from inside...hollowing me from within....
I am the victim of my own thoughts and experiences....

As i held them for too long and reminded and replayed them at every possible chance to burn me even more....

And I decide to change it today....For...Ever....

I am the Telly that I was brought up as....by my parents, with my siblings, under extra care of my grandparents, and not altered by the world so mean....

If the world can change me as a person, then where is the strength in my upbringing...

I shall not let it down....Ever!!

Letting it go ...(c) Tele_Jane 2011 @Scheveningen Beach - DenHaag

Grey Wala shade

Manmarziyaan, the last movie we saw in the theatre and the songs of which are just on the loop since the last 2 months, maybe. A long time any album became such a favourite.

The new age love story around marriage was a fresh take with some commendable performances. 

We all have a grey in us, and I am trying to, currently,  lighten mine.

Suddenly my brain feels like a bag full of negative emotions, feelings and perspectives. Pride has taken over me and my basic courtesies and my usual self is lost in the other umpteen negative emotions of mine.

Trying to actively work on them and rediscover myself, once again. 

Onus

In a marriage, everyone has to adjust... The girl, the guy and the families.

But, the reason behind marriage changes the equations quite a bit....a marriage which was arranged leads to a couple in which the partners adjust for each other so as to make the other more comfortable in the new set of changes in living... The partner will make changes in his family situations so that the other one feels home...they will back them up and even encourage changes in the family by themselves. The onus is on the family.

In a love marriage, however, the onus is on you... You are supposed to change yourselves for whatever situation is different for you and not the family or the other partner ... and this fact leads to a lot of testing of the love for which you chose to marry in the first place.

Time and again your love will be tested and your patience examined. Times when you are taken for granted happens in every relationship... The onset, however, is earlier in a love versus an arranged marriage.

Turn of generations

The calendars have changed many a pages and the clock has done it's million-eth round....the generations have turned.

Writing was a passion, spending time with friends was fun, and socializing was just normal. Now, this is all in the virtual space and it has become totally impersonal.

People write all the time, every single second...they practically think on the internet and not in the mind, and express even before running it by themselves again.

They post pictures, of all the things they see and of all the moments they spend...they store the memories in the camera and not in their subconscious self. This compartment was always there in us whenever we wanted to go back...but now we have hard drives and cloud storage for that.

Spending time with friends was about talking on random things, day to day life, our feelings, our emotions and our family, but now it is about updating it on the social media, saying a lot of good words about them and silently being either jealous or happy by comparing our lives, posing pictures and just chatting over WhatsApp as per our convenience.

Socializing was fun, we would just meet people, be nice, get some inspirations to add something to our personalities but now it is a waste of time...you can learn that by the videos that run accross and the long stories that keep on circulating infinite number of times. We start finding faults in people rather than searching for qualities. 

The good old times have gone and the new generation is really new... And I am becoming like that aunty we had who used to say, "Humare time mein to aise hota tha, vaise hota tha. Ye sab to achcha nahi hai, wo golden time tha....blah blah and blah blah".... :D

Yeah, to bring it and announce it out ...I touched 30. Yes, I did. And it made me realize how orthodoxly modern I am. Accepting and embracing the new fads and simultaneously bickering about them for being utterly useless.

I hope you all are doing fine....;)

Happy Diwali!

We are alone yet never speak to ourselves.

This is a happy space!

Once again!
And this time, forever!

Bucket list

While reading oncology, one cannot not have thoughts about what if a close person develops this or what if I develop an unresectable, non curable cancer, and am left to live on palliation. Well, such a thought has just struck me, and to think of what and how I would wish to spend my last moments knowing they are my last, I would do the want to do a lot of these:

1. PAINT...
2. GO AND LIVE AT MY HOME...
3. HAVE MY BABY ...adopted or own doesn't matter....but those tiny feets, tiny hands and breath.
4. EAT HEARTILY
5. READ BOOKS....anything but course books.