Despite everything, there is a lull inside me...something that is missing...or something I am going to miss. I might be quite an emotional idiot sometimes...although I never be this kind for more than few seconds...My mom says that I am very practical...but somewhere I need to chuck this all out...and I somehow do not want to share it over phonecalls or messages or emails or personally to anyone..It has been a good long 1 month and 18 days since I vowed to become his wife and leave my home for his. It has been the longest time I have spent without my family. Not that I am unhappy, but it hurts....I can't talk this through to my Mom Dad, because they are the ones who are suffering the most....their darling has left them and their life has a big void. Mine is still occupied since I have new relations to handle, new responsibilities that keep me busy, and solace them by sounding happy even when sometimes I just want to go clench my mom and cry and hug and lie next to her. This has been the longest since I have not shared myself emotionally with my mom...And I can't. I can't talk this with my hubby, because he just cracks in a joke to make me laugh. But, it is right here inside me, sleeps for the while. I can't talk to his parents, because they too start crying seeing me cry. Weird, but yes...they are so very caring and loving. I don't go out much, don't talk to people/ neighbors...it all feels so time wasting...Blah Blah!
Besides this current phase, I have this another thing that keeps me sad...my hubby is gonna go for a 1 year course and in most probabilities I won't get to stay with him for my own career. It has not been long since we have been married, not that I can't live without him...not that I am addicted...but, this thought sends shivers down my spine...I hate to think that I am not going to have my mom-dad, his mom-dad, and him next to me. It feels so lonely and depressed to imagine myself like that. On one hand I wish to snatch some time with my family, and at the other I cry because I am actually subtracting it from 'our' time together. Suddenly, I am at loss of time for everyone...my family, his family, and us....and the time for myself has become extinct. I don't remember the last I thought about my career, myself, my future, my wishes, my desires.
Thoughts are many, words are infinite, emotions varied, things which I wanna do...lots....but time is a constraint...I feel myself to be in an hourglass...like the sand....trickling away........
4 comments:
Congrats for being married for 1+ month. :)
I.wrote a longer comment but.the blogger ate it.
I.think it is okay to talk to ur parents far or.near... On phone or in letter.. nothing can help ease the lull better than that. They are experts at handling their kids and nothing u say can throw them off. Don't u think so?
I am inexperienced of course. :)
-vidhya
Hey, nice to see your first married post. Probably I will never understand what you are going through but one thing that works (at least for me) is keeping yourself busy. Start learning something new. Restart on old hobbies.
Good luck for your results.
Doc V, yep, you're right. I really couldn't contain it within me anymore, and now I'm better. Plus, I am getting to stay with my hubby, courtesy: delayed results! =)
Hey Saurabh, before writing this post, had started on Origami, Cooking, Photography...but to be true, concluded it with, 'when in emotional need, only a shoulder helps'. Held true for me.
Post a Comment