He held himself hesitantly in front of me, with a thin yet clearly existant viel to the real self. His expressions were measured, calculated and half-concealed. What made him act this way, I knew.
A bit scared, a bit intimidated and a bit ignorant he was. He didn't want to end up being shouted at. Also, being deficient of the love he deserved, kept him distant despite being near.
Despite my loving him too much, he never understood my emotion. Or so, I always felt.
I had some magnanimous dreams for him. Of getting him the gadget he desires, from my first pay. Of seeing him reading in the best college. Of dreaming him excelling in all the fields...not just studies.
And, of all such plans, I, always conversed with him about studies, co-curricular activities, adviced him, lectured him, and blah blah.
Not once did I realize that it was only ambition that I was expressing, not love.
I did go harsh on him. At an age & time, when sisters should be supporting and diffusing the tension by fun-talks, I advised. And did that too seriously indeed.
 |
| Google Images |
When he drew away from me, I least noticed. Why he distanced himself, hardly bothered me. All, I wanted were results. For I didn't want to see him suffer at the hands of failure. I didn't want him to ever face that bloody dementor. Care, for him, declined with each passing day.
Not that I behaved like this each and every moment. I had my own reality check times when I tried to straighten this bent of mind.
Finally, with much effort and much time, I did get a bit milder. And, by the time the results came, I had my thoughts completely under my emotional control.
No more did I let my 'ideas of happiness' rule over 'his reasons of happiness'.
Besides, he did give us immense happiness, to be true.
------------------------------------------------
A few hours ago, he told Mumma, 'Tele didi is so good, na! I miss her.'
------------------------------------------------
Yes, I got my brother BACK!
Or better...
I got the Sister BACK in me!
Status: Joyous, beyond words.
Tele says: Love without expression is worse than not loving at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment