YAY ! YAY !!

Three Cheers to ... ME !!

this day becomes a big one for me....Memorable.

For..

I made the lunch today...All ALONE. Right from cutting the vegetables, making the sabzi, kneading the dough, making chapattis, from preparing the salad, to serving !!!

Everything.

Yeah, like it happens in Indian household, my mum and daadi had been concerned regarding my culinary skills. They had asked me a number of times before, to prepare something for them. But.

I have this rebellious streak in me...

Not doing what is told to be done. 

And Doing what is strictly prohibited. 

And I love bowing down to my rebellious instincts .... ;-)

What happened today was another of my instincts: Impulsive.

It hit me, that I should make something. Started doing the vegetables, and finally went on to make the complete lunch. 

Wuhoo....

And, And...

The lunch was tasty...not merely eatable. 

:-)

Yuhoo...

Tele says: I have proved my skills. And henceforth, from now on, I am not going to give any more demos. So, no more cooking. ;-)

OBG Clinical !!

Some candid confessions:

# Whatever knowledge had been forced down the cerebrum, for the theories, had vapourized. Thanks to the complete 29 days gap between the theories and the clinical examination. So, with the 'dehydrated mind', I sat down to read for the clinicals. The instruments, the x-rays, the drugs, the specimens, The long cases and the short cases. All had to be done. 

#  While thinking about the clinical record that I had for OBG…Wuhoo… “It was a record in its own.” 

And the reasons are here for you…. To laugh out on… ;-)

* I had comfortably and deliberately bunked most of the postings. (Thanks to the hospital's hush-a-hush location, and the scoldings that I had to hear each time I landed into the OBG department. Sometimes, because they were irritated seeing soo many students, and sometimes because, we were very few to be taught.)

* What we knew maximum was Ante-natal check up. (That too had come after a 'labor'ous task of standing for long hours in a 4*4 m cubicle, with two teachers, two patients with their tummies hanging, one patient on a couch, and two students.)

* Not presented a single case in OBG all the 5 semesters of postings. (Ohh! To tell you the truth, I did not know about the wards till the last month. So, history taking lies out of question.)

* Tried a number of times to enter the labor room, but was shooed out of it (literally, shooed out!) It was the advantage of being called the 9^th semesters that the resident allowed me to see a few deliveries.

* Tried a lot of pranks, said a number of lies, to some-how manage to see an operative procedure. But, I managed only once to sneak into the OTs of the OBG department (the ever-elusive one, thanks to the huge no. of relatives that hog around the OT, as if there’s a mela going on. Yeah, afterall, babies are born FREE! FREE! FREE!) What I could see, were only the stitches being planted on the Cesarean Section.  

* Never done a P/V. But, hey, I HAD seen a Pap smear being taken. Was very happy that had managed one.

    

Henceforth, what the practical was…and shaped out to be….was something like a TYPICAL PRACTICAL…where what you know would be asked to your friends, and what others know and you don’t, would be asked to you. 

And, also, what no one knows is going to be asked to everyone, and the answer to such a question would remain ‘unknown’ till the viva ends.

‘The OBG’ ends, and we are left with two another practicals.

Yeah, the medicos of Rajasthan are the modern age Draupadis, wearing this sari aptly named ‘exams’ …and whose ‘izzat’ is being blasted, by the RUHS- the Kauravas.

Yaar, yeh exams kab khatam honge ??? 

Phew.

PS: Happy Holi ! :-)

What does one do with someone

for whom Importance is Allergen ?

Strings !

Strangled Strings, entangled in an 'appearing-to-never-straighten' fashion.
No matter how much you attempt at solving them, they appear to have never changed. Not even a bit.
Remain still highly un-solved.

But,
Can't deny the fact that they do exist. Still.
Holding me firmly, strongly.

Or is it merely my conscience's illusion?

Have the ropes been cut?

The murmurs harbor a hope...

Tele says: Free, yet so bounded.

Uncertainity . . .

What I am being to myself is "A Question Mark"

Absolute In-co-ordination resides in me.

Heart, Brain, Conscience, Dreams, Happiness, Destinations, My life so-far, Past, Present, Future.... are playing a sport. Dancing. Tornado-ing around a center -- ME !

Uncertainity is what bothers me most.

Don't wanna end up as a question. I want to be 'An answer' in my own life...

Indecisive...

How blissful it was. When our decisions were not in our hands. Or to say, our decisions were not manufactured in our heads.

Our parents were the 'Decision makers'. What they decided was done. 

If success was tamed, it was their proud and happy eyes that used to be our award. And if not, there still would be their proud eyes, content that we tried.

Our parents loved and liked a particular thing and we, too, eventually developed a liking to it. Like father, Like son. There used to  be no 'ifs and buts'. 

In the adolescent, aggressive and revolutionary mind grows our own outlook towards situations and life (on a broader aspect)

_______________________________________________________

For me, my parents' choice has been my choice. And, I love following and doing what they decide/say. 

But, this independence that they have imparted me, is killing me. 

Leaving me free and responsible enough, to take my own decisions is proving fatal. (Esp. for an indecisive person like me.)

Analysing the options....their pros n cons,

Conducting a reality check at your abilities and resources,

Scrutinizing (with your tele-scopic vision) whether this would be where your heart would b happy & content, decades later....

I mean....it eats up my head.

Add to it:

What if my choice would not b congruent with theirs (Seriously man, my efforts, for achieving it, would be less than half-ed)

What if my very own decisions prove incorrect.

What if my naive minds' painted happiness is far different from what it would be, years down the line.

Uff! I don't wanna exercise my brain ....

Wish I had no liberty to rule my life !!

Wish all my dreams, likings were never born !!

Wish I was a puppet, in my almighty's hands- My parents !!

It is such a mental satisfaction...leaving it onto Mum-Dad... see that glint in their eyes, that their kids are still kids, and dependent on them....

This is what I call 'Life'

Tele says: I wanna be a kid, forever my life...

PS: This puppet's name is 'Telly'. Appears, am seriously leaving a mark on this earth. :-) :-P

Feb 13th, 2010

Life Changes ...

A very important decision made...
Likely to influence the rest of my life, in every aspect.

Need your Blessings, God.

Amen.


Hey, hope you all had a great Valentine's Day...

:-)

Wings...

Wings of desire...

Wings To my dreams...

Am Dreaming far too much.

Dreaming about what I am gonna be doing after my universities end, and before my intern starts.
And, I have almost infinite plans, Which would better be termed 'fantasies' as not even 1% of them is gonna be turning true.

:D

The immediate plan and the most necessary one of them all is:
A tour. Anywhere outside my hometown.
Have been here since last 4 n a half years.
And I wanna seriously run outta here.



A tour. To a place where there's beautiful nature. Scenic place. Serene place. No hush-a-hush.
Wanna stand alone on a mountain top. Wanna walk along a beautiful alleyway. Wanna wander onto soft-freshly-wet grass. Me and my camera. See the sun-rise, the sun-set. The birds flying. The nest. The moon. The leaves dancing. The flowers smiling.
Want no eyes to follow me. No soul near me. No one scrutinizing what I do.
My very own time. discover myself. Think endlessly. Pen down almost every thought.
Laugh out loud into the silent valley. Dance all alone, without thinking a particular movement would appear not-so-decent to the ones watching. Sing out loud, without any sense of notes. Stay long in the woods, and talk to the animals.
Wanna interact with nature.....
hmmm....

Dream over. Get Back to Reality, Tele.

Yeah, I am a Girl, and my mum-dad are not gonna let me go alone. And they are definitely not gonna let me wander into a forest or woods. So, I'll settle for less.

And, I have got a deal done. I'll visit some of my relatives or some of my friends. (Which one out of the two, and where and for how long, is still to-be-decided.)
So, I'll land up to someone's place. Visit the cities and the monuments, and the heritage stuff they've got, and shop around for sometime, and eat out, and reach back home.

Okay.
:-)
I am still happy.
Atleast it is OUT of this Place. :-)


Other plans:
* All-India Tour - A month long one. (technically, not an All-India but an All-direction tour !)
* Buy myself a laptop.
* Buy myself a new trendy, bang-on-techno Mobile.
* Change my complete wardrobe. (My Dad would be palpitating !! ;-)
* Finally, work the tussle out and get the magazine released.
* Change my hair-style (to the ultimate freaky-look) and get some major changes in my look...Say, A Make Over ?? ;-)
* Organize a grand show in the college.



* Paint all day long. On Canvas.
* Read out a hundred novels.
* Party every night. With unique themes.
* Play all the games I never tried, ever my life. And play the ones I have played earlier. Daily. Baddy, TT, Basky, Cricket.
* Run around a beautiful lawn
* Sit on the terrace for hours with the i-pod plugged to ears.
* Star-gaze all night.
* Meditate. Rebuilt my inner strength.
* Watch all the movies that are worth watching.
* Click all the beautiful emotions and capture them for ever.
* Sleep all day long.

And DREAM....DREAM ....

of more such things.
:-)

Wake up, Tele...!!
Pracs are still remaining. :-)

Yet once again….

Yet once again...

Standing miles from you…

Voluntarily stranded…

Leaving you alone in your closet…

Blurring eyes…

Shredded tears…

Lonesome heart…
dreading whether you’ll ever come back…


But,
I’ll wait…
Like I did before…

Hope is what I have…


And, I’ll pray…

To the one above…

Who had been kind in making us meet…
Who had helped us work it out…

I know He’s not gonna leave our united soul in despair…



Not that its happening for the first time,

But, with each episode my fear increases…

Of losing you for ever…




No,
I know I am a human,
And I will live even when you won’t be there…
But, why without you ?

Without YOU…
My life would still be moving at 1.2 Mbps
Yet, it would seem as ‘disconnected’ to me…

Without YOU…
The world around me would still move…
But, my inner soul would be at pause mode…

Without YOU…
I would still be busy and would do all my duties…
But the absence of the ‘duty of being with you’ will make me feel empty…

Without YOU…
I would still smile and laugh …
But, that hollow smile will always be followed by a trickle along the cheek.




Everybody around would try to keep me happy,
And there would be lots of love to be absorbed,
But, all this sympathy and love would make me remember you even more…
Re-register your absence…
And I would dive deep into our memories…

‘Your hands still brush through my hair…

Your eyes still transfix me…

Your smile still reaches my eyes…

Your heart beat still echoes in me…

Your lips still kiss my eyes…

And my eyes open to ,’

To…

To…

A world without you…

‘Why? Why?’

I shout.
I scream.
I cry.
In Pain.
In longing for you.

Don’t make me suffer this….



NOOOO !

Please, I don’t want to see this future…


Yeah, Yeah….I’ll pray that you come back…


Yes, Not that its happening for the first time,

But, with each episode my fear increases…
Of losing you for ever…



I wish to see you alive,

walking,

talking,

winking,

smiling,

and hugging me

after the encounter ends.


No medals can glitter enough to make my eyes smile,
if it means not being with you.


Yes, being selfish, I NEED YOU……. More than any damn medal…
You are my Medal for life, love and happiness…YOU.

WITH YOU….

A love-studded look is a day passed peacefully.


A minute’s only-mine time is my trip to heaven.


Dissolved in your soul is complete-ness for me.


Overwhelming you is happiness for me.


Our love for each other is for eternity…

For ETERNITY…



For ETERNITY…


--If not your personal presence, your presence in my heart and soul will carry me through. I'll be strong.

SYMBIOSIS...

A bright, colorful butterfly entered a garden with flowers aplenty.

Beautiful-vibrant flowers, full of fragrance; artistically carved florals, the deceit-ing ones - ones which would engulf the sweetie.
All varieties were there...attracting and tempting the butterfly.

Amongst the flowers was this one: Bright Red flower, a lone one on the whole plant, glowing in glory. But, sans any fragrance.

For reasons unknown, the butterfly chose this flower. She sat, and played with its petals. Kindled it. The flower laughed, and danced, and jived in gaiety.

Never before had it been showered upon with so much caressing and love. Its stem and roots had given it water, but no minerals. This flower had to face the sunlight and derive its learning and nutrition from the world around. Learned and bright, it had become, but this nutrition (Read as: love and care) had never struck it. It had never loved anyone more than itself, and had never been loved.

This small gesture of care, breathed life in it.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The butterfly searched for nectar, but it had none. She thought of flying to another flower, But, she thought, it would be so depressing to the flower and hence, decided to stay & live with this 'happy n gay n smiling' flower.

'The life of this flower is devoid of care & love, I'll fill so much nectar in it, that it would never be hungry for more.' The sweetie thought.

She started regurgitating the nectar she had stored in herself. The flower loved it.

She put in more nectar each minute, each hour.

The flower no longer smiled. It thought, it was a duty of the fly to do this. It started taking her for granted. It stopped getting happy.

The sweetie thought her nectar wasn't enough for the flower. She went back home & filled herself with nectar.

She reached back to the garden. The flower stroke the fly with its petal, as if asking rudely, "Where did you go?"
The fly perceived the flower to be saying, "I missed you. Don't go anywhere. I hate being alone."

She nursed the flower with immense affection. She was hungry. It had been hours that she had consumed anything. And the driving force, of seeing the flower react in a happy fashion, no more existed.

She was falling frailer.

The flower did not let out any nectar for the butterfly. Nor did he say that you can take some nectar from me. It did not care for her. It had never been taught to do so.
This trait of 'giving' was inherently absent.

The fly was losing hope, it was getting more weaker, and slower...

The flower grunted.

The fly perceived, 'Yeah, I know you are tired of me, and you hate me, na? So, you may go away.'

The selfless love of the fly made her stick, and she waited in anticipation for a sign of care. Just one sign of love. A sign that she was wanted.




Emaciation, malaise struck her.
The flower shrugged off the sweetie...And there she lay...on the ground....HURT.

No tears were shed. She could barely breathe. But, her heart was pounding, and all she could say was,

" I...I ..f..failed. My care and l...lo...ove could not change the soul in him.
M...My love lost today. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tele says: Symbiosis is hard to find in this parasitic world.

Mystique !!

That's what life carries with it.

The next moment ... is as much a mystery as much you found the last one. The one that still makes you ponder over.

What this path will make you see, feel, experience...
Is like this path itself.

Mysterious.

Moving ahead is the only way to discover what is in store for you...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is in fond memory of my on-going Final year exams--

The stuff surprises me every moment. What has transpired in this year, in my life, is all soooo surprising, so unusual, so unexpected, that I would better keep my mind shut, and put it to rest and not speculate what is gonna be happening next.

Final Year-the Turning Point of my Life. When I finally emerged out of my egg-shell, and moved forward to have a duel with destiny. (destiny would be too strong a contender... ;-) Wait... Duel with Situations (can't find anything better... :-D )

What the situations were....

Would put them down once I am through this year...

Pray for me...