Bucket list

While reading oncology, one cannot not have thoughts about what if a close person develops this or what if I develop an unresectable, non curable cancer, and am left to live on palliation. Well, such a thought has just struck me, and to think of what and how I would wish to spend my last moments knowing they are my last, I would do the want to do a lot of these:

1. PAINT...
2. GO AND LIVE AT MY HOME...
3. HAVE MY BABY ...adopted or own doesn't matter....but those tiny feets, tiny hands and breath.
4. EAT HEARTILY
5. READ BOOKS....anything but course books.

The God of Small things

“That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.”

“If you're happy in a dream, does that count?”

“The way her body existed only where he touched her. The rest of her was smoke.”

“It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain. To let it be, to travel with it, as Velutha did, is much the harder thing to do.”

“It is curious how sometimes the memory of death lives on for so much longer than the memory of the life that is purloined. ”

“Smells, like music, hold memories. She breathed deep, and bottled it up for posterity.”

“Impelled by feelings that were primal yet paradoxically wholly impersonal. Feelings of contempt born of inchoate, unacknowledged fear--civilization's fear of nature, men's fear of women, power's fear of powerlessness. Man's subliminal urge to destroy what he could neither subdue nor deify.”

“He gathered her into the cave of his body."

The God of Small Things does not offer many quotes, but full blown passages. The passages, with exquisite details that make you step into their places and feel their feelings. She doesn't mouth them or word them, she instills those situations in you and lets you feel it.

A poignant, powerful, tragic tale yet leaves you with Love, Hope, Madness, and Infinnate joy.

Bare necessities

When we were searching for a suitable match for my elder sister and me, the only two things my family ever bothered to know about were:
1. Guy's education
2. Family's reputation , which was limited to 'they must not be having a criminal background, not known to have cheated someone, and the society doesn't see them in bad light.'

And I am glad I have been brought up on such strong pillars of beliefs.

When I told my family, that I like him, and would want them to consider him as well. They first grilled me to know whether he fulfills all 'my' criterias, and also tested me if my liking was just another passing attraction or a genuine feeling. They met him and asked him the same two things, how does he feel about me, and how serious is he in this. Not once did my father ever ask me his salary, or even what his father does, or what they have in terms of property. He just judged the guy. And, from there on my family heartily accepted him without any questions asked. There is this ease with which my family accepts people, as their own. And I totally love it, for our love doesn't depend on someone's social status, or income brackets, or position. They don't judge people.

When I look around, and happen to observe the criterias of families actively searching for life partners, I feel disheartened for they already have criterias in place with Income brackets, or the locality in which their house is, or the valuation of the family in the market.
A relationship is set on a foundation of materialism.
This is no different from asking your doctor to get your baby with this and that features....you know, custom made or made-to-order babies.

Well, all I can hope is that with turn of time and with the immediate surroundings that I live in, I do not change for the worse or give away these ideals of my family. All the time, I wish the 'Jain' (Kothari) in me lives.

50 shades of grey

Well yes, this happened to be the next book I started reading. 20 hour long journey without a book seemed to be real boring, and with 5 big luggages already with me I dare not add even an ounce more. So, it was me and the only ebook I had in the gadet. Yeah, I am explaining why I had to even pick this book! Not that I am ashamed to have picked up an erotica,  for it was there on my device because I wished to read this in the first place sometime. I had wished to read what had caught the world with such attention. But, not anymore.

Well, I must say a few things here:

1. This book is 'literally' not worth it. 150 pages out of 364 have been read, and I am sure it won't go a page higher.
2. Erotica is not my thing. A casual sexual depiction in an ongoing story is fine, but a story based on sexual adventures and that too, of the forensic medicine types is just not my flavour.
3. The protagonist is not convincing enough to make me believe one would do all this in the right sphere of mind, or that there can ever be a man/woman over whom one can be swooned so much that the brains stop working.

Probably it stems from the fact that I have always been very informed about my choices in life, have thought a lot before acting in a certain fashion, and hence, such mindless behaviour seems so unreal (to me atleast).

There is nothing about this book that can be quoted, nothing that must be remembered,  nothing that must be re-read. And about the upcoming movie, I don't give a damn to visualize the Red Room of Pain.

Tele says, ' This book is a Grey Book of Perversion. Ideal to learn the IPCs for the Unnatural Sexual Offences.' ;-)

Nag-itivity

My chain of thoughts seemed to be oh-so-positive and now all that I have to do is crib, complain, shout and cry. All my articles here on the blog have been about this. Am I so unhappy from life? Am I so bereft of the pleasures of life? Hmmm.... the answer is a big big NO! Well then, why such negativity is strewn all over tele-pen-ny?
Because this is me penning down my heart. Earlier, I used to share that bit of my life which I couldn't share openly with others, and it was mainly about the jubiliation at doing new things professionally,  about my romantic side, about the decisions I was taking (a first timer). And they all seemed to be just fine. Now also, I share the part of my heart which I don't wish to share openly with others...and it is about the disappointment at some people's behaviour, or actions, or the place where I am stuck professionally.  There are a thousand lovely times to the one dejected post I write here, I laugh, I love, I care, I do things like a real lady, I am responsible, I am loved....all of this....it is just that when I set out to write, which happens only when I have either had an altercation or an argument with someone (coz practically that is only time I decide to put things off and keep 'me' on the table) and end up writing all the perennially unhappy stuff on the paper.

Tele says, 'There is so much on the table, that 'I' really have to be on my toes.' ;-)

Ashamed ?

The reunion happens in two weeks. With nothing on the platter on the professional front, how could one face the others who are leading a life full of career content?

Normally, a person would be more motivated to achieve something in that sphere where one is lacking. Have I traveled way too far to even feel the thrill?

The personal life, that is put forth to fill for the only one thing lacking in my life, has really been totally engaging. Is that all what I am meant to be doing the whole life?

Is not working something to be ashamed off? Or is only handling home a thing that puts my brain up on the cutting board?

I am happy being home, but I am not a career mad woman. I chose this for myself, to enjoy the little things of life that I would have missed otherwise. But, I am definitely not going to be ashamed of having those years off my life with him.

The Palace of Illusions

Much as the name of the novel, the content too is deep, philosophical and makes one look into their own souls to agree to all the virtues and vices it talks so casually about.

Based on Draupadi's view of the turn of events in the Hindu mythology 'Mahabharata', it shows love, life, vengeance, war, hatred, remorse, faith in light that is remarkable.

Just keeping some quotes from the book, which I would wish to re-read time and again, here.


“Can't you ever be serious?' I said, mortified.
'It's difficult,' he said. 'There's so little in life that's worth it.” 


“Because ultimately only the witness -- and not the actors -- knows the truth (Vyasa to Draupadi)” 


“Love comes like lightning, and disappears the same way. If you are lucky, it strikes you right. If not, you'll spend your life yearning for a man you can't have.” 


“Your childhood hunger is the one that never leaves you.”


“There was an unexpected freedom in 
finding out that one wasn't as important as one had always assumed!” 


“For men, the softer emotions are always intertwined with power and pride."


“The heart itself is beyond control. That is its power, and its weakness.”


 "I saw something I hadn't realized before: words wasted energy.” 


“Aren't we all pawns in the hands of time, the greatest player of them all?” 


“Expectations are like hidden rocks in your path—all they do is trip you up.” 


“The pleasures that arise from sense-objects are bound to end, and thus they are only sources of pain. Don’t get attached to them.”


“Even the wisest don't know what's hidden in the depths of their being”


Truth, like diamond, has many facets.

Stories changed with each telling. Or is that the nature of all stories, the reason for their power?


Doesn't the imagination always exaggerate or diminish truth?


Can our actions change our destiny? Or are they like sand piled against the breakage in a dam, merely delaying the inevitable.


Time is like a flower. It visualized a lotus opening, the way the outer petals fall away to reveal the inner ones. An inner petal would never know the older outer ones, even though it was shaped by them, and only the viewer who plucked the flower would see how each petal was connected to the others.


Is this desire for vengeance stronger than the longing to be loved? What evil magic does it possess to draw the human heart so powerfully to it?


A situation in itself is neither happy nor unhappy. It is only your response to it that causes sorrow.


A burning stick, in trying to burn you, is consuming itself. That's what happens to a burning heart.


When you share a man's pillow, his dreams seap into you.


Battle against the six inner enemies that plague us all - lust, anger, greed, ignorance, arrogance, and envy.


What is more numerous than the grass? The thoughts that rise in the mind of the man.
Who is truly wealthy? The man to whom agreeable and disagreeable, wealth and woe, past and future are the same.
What is the most wondrous thing on earth? Each day countless humans enter the Temple of Death, yet the ones left behind continue to love as though they were immortal.


Perhaps this is the miracle of stories, they make us realize we are not alone in our folly or in our suffering.


This is the nature of sorrow - often it fades with time, but once in a while it remains lodged below the surface of things, a stubborn thorn beneath a fingernail, making itself felt every time you brush against it.


Sometimes, one has to drop logic and go with the instinct of the heart, even if it contradicts law.


Krishna loved me even when I behaved in a most unlovable manner. And his love was totally different from every other love in my life. Unlike them, it didn't expect me to behave in a certain way. It didn't change into displeasure or even anger or even hatred if I didn't comply. It healed me. If what I felt for Karna was singeing fire, Krishna's love was a balm, moonlight over a parched landscape. 

....The book is an experience, and one can add a thousand more quotes from it.

To Kill a Mockingbird....Some quotes that are an inspiration...

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” 


“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.


“People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.” 


“The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.”


“Atticus, he was real nice."
"Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”


“People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.” 


“You just hold your head high and keep those fists down. No matter what anybody says to you, don't you let 'em get your goat. Try fightin' with your head for a change.
-Atticus Finch”


“When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness sake. But don't make a production of it. Children are children, but they can spot an evasion faster than adults, and evasion simply muddles 'em.” 


“It’s never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is, it doesn’t hurt you.” 


“We're paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It's that simple.” 


“Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.” 


“She seemed glad to see me when I appeared in the kitchen, and by watching her I began to think there was some skill involved in being a girl.” 



“I think I'll be a clown when I get grown,' said Dill.
Jem and I stopped in our tracks.
Yes sir, a clown,' he said. 'There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off.'
You got it backwards, Dill,' said Jem. 'Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them.'
Well I'm gonna be a new kind of clown. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks.” 


“Atticus had said it was the polite thing to talk to people about what they were interested in, not about what you were interested in.” 


“People don’t like to have somebody knowing more than they do. It aggravates them.” 


You rarely win, but sometimes you do. Mrs. Dubose won, all ninety-eight pounds of her. According to her views, she died beholden to nothing and nobody. She was the bravest person I ever knew.” 


“Finders were keepers unless title was proven.”


“I didn't know how you were going to do it, but from now on I'll never worry about what'll become of you, son, you'll always have an idea.” 

Cute little elli

Some times it feels good to be pampered...atleast on your own birthday!

But, all one gets is a day of hard work, some jibes, some tears, some more tears, and lots of more tears.

Just when one strong ship needs a shoulder as an anchor, and a soul for the sea-bed, the tectonic plates of the sea bed go into fury, and the anchor becomes an ice-berg. Ready to devastate, and kill the iota of ray of life that might be there. Saving is too big to ask for, when even consolation is missing.

A night passes by but the sun rays don't bring hope, instead they bring to the fore the harsh reality of the devastation that occurred...the iceberg stands tall and the ship wrecked, and the iceberg still has its last laugh in its ego.

Happiness is not at sea, it is at bay. 

The ship might sink, soon enough...

Fun Fact:

Now, I know a family whose whole idea of having fun is to have a conversation where everybody blows their own trumpets.

I still don't do that, hence, I guess, I am still an outsider. And probably, that's why I am yet to understand their idea of happiness, or feel it.

There are some people with such hard exteriors...

that even someone else's feelings and raw emotions won't penetrate them. Not even their partner's.

Freedom and responsibility!

You will have to learn to conciliate freedom with responsibility,  understanding that freedom is not given to the one who earns it, and that responsibility is not synonymous to obligation.  Enjoy the company in a leisurely way.