Fab Feb !

Hmmm... the romantic February is about to leave me...
just the way the childhood queries left me 10 years back,
and the thought-less work-less time left me 7 years back.

February has usually been the best of the months for me. This year, too, was no different.

The Feb Fab Five events were:

1. Calm, Silent yet energizing Birthday.

2. Long, break-journeys yet refreshing train trips.

3. Closest Buddy's marriage- Creation of a bond, and snapping of some ties.

4. AIPG results - Happiness for some and despair for many.

5. College Magazine - The nth time it is re-opened, yet the excitement and optimism seems to be endless.

And all through this month despite being very busy...the blog never slept. :-))

Thanks Blogger! I had scheduled all the posts by the very first week of February, for their respective dates.

All were 'love', 'hate', 'valentine' centric--> a salute to the romantic emotion february signifies.

Also, Read The Namesake: A beautiful novel essaying the dilemmas of ABCDs to be specific, and every Indian by large. Thumbs Up!! 

Gonna be celebrating the arrival of March with fanfare this time.... 

Raising the spirits and the fumes...

Dining and Stepping up to the tunes...

Birthday - IV

Ohh well yeah! I have 3 posts dedicated to the plans I had for the Birthday, but how it turned out to be has not yet been shared.

The excerpts:

Spent an hour on the phone 

receiving the calls of the close.

A small peck on the cheek

and a hand on the head,

which has blessed me every year.

The night sublimed, to caress

the cute little spirit she once created.

Early morning I was born,

to be showered with the love 

of Grand-ma & pa.

The cute tall brother and me

had his favorite breakfast made by me.

Mum and Sister had called in the night

and as it appeared, 

Mum had wept a tear or two.

Went to the hospital, 

returned back early.

Opened the gift,

the adventure of unearthing

the pearl from the oyster

pumped me up.

Sumo, unique was the gift,

as much unique as our friendship is. Hi-5!!

A lunch at a small unfrequented restaurant

was the fun moment,

the family sat there, 

with an irritated brother.

I wore his new shirt...

Did I want to feel younger?

Or maybe, I just wanted to tease him. 

The afternoon we talked and packed.

Evening we went for a dinner

after the small chocolate pie cutting.

I left him to the station,

and later Daddy too.

Grannys anyways sleep early.

Going to the hostel, 

I kissed my gal friends,

chit-chats over 30 minutes 

did feel insufficient.

Back to home, I lay in my room,

on the bed with 

a book and the phone 

by my side.

Called up a buddy 

who was busy to talk.

And then another 

who shares my b'day.

And then the network went away,

to my utter dismay.

The calls ended 

yet there was an hour to go,

before the day, 

destined to be mine, would sleep.

Hypnotized I flew, 

into the thoughts that occurred,

of past, present, and the oblivious future.

When the subconscious decided to sleep

I did not know, 

but yes,

I woke up to a happy bright morning next day.

That I remember.

PS: I just wanted to document how my birthday was.

You see...

You see...

I'm alive...

Having an independent existence.

And, I have a life too.

Some relations of which I'm a part of.

Some responsibilities which I'm in-charge of.

Some happiness that arises not from you,

And some sorrows that are not your reflections.

A full life I have.

To be led and lived.

You see...

I'm alive...

It was hard to believe initially...

All this while, I had required you as a proof to my living.

You meant the breathe to me

I had illusion-ed you, to be my heart

Which, IF would cease, 

would take me away along-with.

But, I've beat

To feel & fear.

You see...

I'm alive...

Ever since you left me alone in this world.

I had wailed, cried, hurt, cursed; 

the senses had been outwitted.

I had smiled, laughed, stared focus-lessly; 

till smiles drowned in tears.

But, Them I've wiped

To focus & rise.

You see...

I'm alive...

Even after you snatched the thing I held dearest.

I've lived without it.

I've lived without YOU...

It was a blatant lie about our companionship that we had sworn.

Of being there for each other every single time.

But, A truth the lie was,

To believe & accept.

You see...

I'm alive...

And do I miss you? No.

I stand tall, flourished even in your absence.

You were, probably, the spring to me;

In which I flowered & fruited.

If I must miss,

I miss the smiles & frowns that you instilled in me.

Not you I miss.

You see...

I'm Alive...

Still.

What hurts more than the absence of the dear ones in life, is the remembrance of memories past.

...And memories you can't erase.

Death, Love, Hate, Life.                                      (Written - 30.01.2011)

Death

I see a repose that neither earth nor hell can break, and I feel an assurance of the endless and shadowless hereafter- The Eternity they have entered - where life is boundless in its duration, and love in its sympathy, and joy in its fulness.
I noticed on that occasion how much selfishness there is even in a love like Mr. Linton's, when he so regretted Catherine's blessed release!

- Mrs. Ellen Dean (Nelly) the housekeeper; on Catherine Linton's death and his eternally loving husband's emotional outburst of losing his beloved.

Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)

A Hopeless Romantic...

There is nothing I need more than the assurance of you being there in this world, within my reaches.
You being there to just listen to my voice, and make me hear your voice, your breath, your laugh.

It is all that my heart wants.

This is how my love is.

I'll live through this life this way.

--The heart echoes in plead. Do oblige.

Got to be none!

There's something strange
about this connection,
it broadens its range,
to include your mention.

How far I drift,
or how unaligned I shift
with your memories,
my mind's hogged.
with you in vision,
my eyes are fogged.

The dreams still take your form,
and peace lies in knowing that you're around me.

It’s your hugs that can solace me,
It’s your beats that can liven me,
It’s your words that can incept me, and
It’s your touch that can sensitize me.

There's something strange
about why you own my heart,
when we're not together but enstranged,
taking your's back; heartless I’ve remained.

They say,

There's a heart for me,
& I've to find that one,
Believe me,
If it's not yours,
It's got to be none.

(Written 27.11.10)

Valentines Wishes...

Love lives by the heart- neither bound by promises, nor shackled in the name of relationship.
Love survives and dwells even in the absence of a formal relationship.


A Relation sits in the heart, and is immortal. 
It might change or modify- from an acquaintance to a friend to a partner or to an enemy, but it never sees death.

Yay! Uhuu!!

Jubilation and Grief struck successively.

'Yay!' for the first independent USG that I did today. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yes, after the duties that I had 'tried' doing dotingly, I finally got a chance to do a USG myself. All these days, I had been just another on-looker, who used to see and try to comprehend the organ being focussed. Then, was handed over the reporting. Scribbling on the piece of governmental papers the findings and the opinion was still better. At least, had something to do.

And, finally, today, was handed over the probe and the screen all to myself. Focusing organs seemed so easier as the observer, but was infinitely difficult for the doer.

Lots of attempts, Gelling of hands and triumphantly, focusing the organs successfully. It was a well deserved happiness. 

The USG strip of the first patient I investigated independently was taken out in double copies. One kept for my records - Of all the sweet, or bad first memories I treasure. (But, believe me, I have not kept the placenta of the first delivery I conducted, and neither have I kept the blood-soaked-thread of the first suturing I did.)  ;-)

Now, the 'Uhuu!' part:
I lost that strip in transit from Hospital to Home!! 

Uhuuu!
I don't have the coveted black & white imaging strip for my collections with 'Right Pleural Effusion & Liver' written. Ohhh! Damn.

Still, I do have a picture to be put: The one I took before I set the probe on the patient, trying to be familiar with the USG machine. :-)

My first USG! <3

Radiology sucks, still the work is fun. :-) Only for random temporary purposes. ;-)

Ageing

I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy and free...and laughing at injuries, not maddeningly under them!

Why am I so changed?

Why does blood rush into a hell of tumult at a few words?

- Catherine Earnshaw Linton, Character, Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)


Random: Tele: Is this what they call ageing?? 
??

Toys I never played with...

The Peach Teddy Bear, the Pink-Puff Dog, the Red-eyed-White Rabbit, the Bright Yellow Tweety, the Red-Orange Apple !! Wooh!

Like all the usual girls, the soft-toys are a part of my life too. But unlike other girls who buy it for themselves, these have been the gifts that we (me and my sister) had been showered with, thinking that we might become fond of them if we had them.

But, the thought never became a reality.

All these years, the toys had been wrapped and kept in closets to prevent them from getting soiled in dust. Yeah, the dusty winds flow for almost half an year here. Needless to say I never played with them, and they never came close to my heart.
.
.
.
I've decided today to take them all out, keep them besides me the whole day long, in my bed, and with me to sleep.

Sometimes for the fear of damaging or losing a treasured thing, we never open our hearts to them forgetting that by doing this we might be losing the whole fun of having them by our sides.

Things will anyways end. Nothing is eternal. 
You treasure it a lot! So, Keep it alive, but don't take the life out of it. 
Enjoy it before it disappears to time.

Birthday - III

The birthday being felt like just-another-day, might be because this is a very different phase of my life that I am in.
I'll turn 23, and I should have started to settle by now, and to the contrary of which I'm far more unsettled than I ever was. I'm in a split.
As I enter the day, my Mum and dear Sister would be missing. They're on a 10-day trip to South for my sis' exams. I'll have only my Daddy and Brother with me, for they had planned to be here on this day.
Amongst my buddies, few would be here but busy studying, few would just wish me on the phone. More importantly, A very dear friend of mine, would be amiss. Why I lost him and what I lost him to, hurts me more than anything.

The sweet cousins who somehow turned my bad days good, would be out of town. Being a kid with them, or teaching them the truths of life, keeps me more interested, is yet an unsolved mystery.

As the day would wrap itself, Daddy would leave, and so would my baby bro. Mum-Sis would be in transit, out-of-network.
.
.
.
.

How gloomy, lonely it would feel then, is a thing I am dreading already.
.
.
.
.
Thinking about the previous happy times might be the sole reason that could keep me through, or would they be the reason to tears and despair??


I can think about the postives only, and they would be:
*A day with Brother, who came all this way, only to be with me.
*The calls from buddies, whom I keep close to.
*Some time spent with my gal-friends.
*And that gift that I received 2 days in advance. :-) Damroo, It sure makes me feel special. Thanks for the care.

As to the social networks, I've kept my birthdate hidden. I hope it is not shown.
.
.
.
Thanking people who wished me for a formality would be the toughest return gift to be given!

Peace.

Birthday - II

The calls will come to wish me, just like they do to others.
The messages will come, just like they do to the normal friends.
My Family would bless me, just like they do every year.

Does merely being wished, brings the feeling of being special??

Birthday - I

This time of the year, people are generally happy, excited and joyous.
Not that I am gloomy, but neither am I the former.

This time of the year, people are generous and grateful to the one above.
Not that I am not, but am stuck in the web of situations that question me his generosity.


Birthdays are no more the toffee distribution of the schools...
no more the wait for that new dress and wearing it to the classes.

It is no more the college parties late in the evening...
no more the excitement of opening the gifts that the buddies so exclusively brought.

It is no more the visit to the temple...
and no more the surprise-jolly-family-dinner that had been carefully planned.

It is no more the happiness of receiving the calls...
and no more the thrill at seeing the numerous posts/scraps on your profile or the e-card send to you.


Is this boredom due to having seen all these things being repeated year after year, or due to the absence of efforts making me feel special?

Unethical - II

You might be remembering the short fiction story I wrote under the name Unethical a week ago.

And, If you don't remember it..... or haven't read it ......or find it too long... ;-)

Here's the Summary:

A girl meets a guy at an engagement party, and they notice the magnetism amidst them, despite of their never having met each other. But all of it is unethical as the very guy she's falling for, is the groom-to-be of her own cousin sister. 

(Wow! I'm super good at summarizing!) =D *winks

I saw you talking on the phone

I know that you are not alone

But you steal my heart away

Yeah you steal my heart away

You're acting like you're on your own

But I saw you standing with a girl

Stop tryn' to steal my heart away,

Stop tryn' to steal my heart away

I don't know where we going

I don't know who we are

I can feel your heartbeat ..

He said to me

I can feel your heartbeat

Running through me

Please do this video justice by watching it on full-screen mode!

A song and video I've lately fallen in love with.
The component of the S1-S2, or the Lub-Dub make it more captivating, and the anatomical beating of the heart depicted by the incandescent lights make the nerves stir

I'm sorry,but I'm hopelessly into Medicine, and into Enrique and into Nicole. (They make the hottest couple ever, in my opinion. But, I guess Kournikova and Hamilton have their opinion too. Apart from their love for their respective! ;-)

Tele says:
I can feel your heartbeat...

Running through me...
Humming through me...